#1
So, you walked into a progressive metal thread so you expect intense shredding, awkward riffing, hugely technical structures, and 34/3 time sigs?

Well, what you get is akin to Death/Control Denied style progressive metal. As in ?/4 time signatures mixed with semi-technical almost death metal riffs and a prominent bass sound. A slight mix of melodic death metal as well. The solo was entirely improv so there is much to changed there.

Enjoy it. Now.
Attachments:
death.zip
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#2
First of all, thanks for the crit on my song.

Now, let's get into yours:
The start riff is quite good, but I feel that it would be better maybe a bit slower. However it's a great riff, and it starts the song at a good, fast pace.
I really like the first verse riff (I think you can clearly see the Death influence here).
I'm not really too fond on the chorus melody to be honest, not for any reason in particular, it just didn't click with me.
The Post Chorus riff is awesome imo, one of the best riffs in the song.
The solo it's very generic imo, I think you should put more work into it.
Ok, now the Transition/Big Verses part; It's not a bad riff, but I feel it's way too much like Death. I'm ok with a bit of an influence, but I believe this riff crosses the line a bit. (even the drumming is similar in that part).

Overall, nice song, but it could use some work.
#3
Hi. Interesting stuff. Good to see someone trying to do things in a Schuldiner direction (one of my favorite artists).

"prominent bass sound" - In what respect ? It follows exclusively the rhythm guitar patterns and doesn't set any exclamation points by its own. I don't expect DiGorgio-esque freeflow artistry, but at least some more adventurous measures here and there. For example a melodic or rhythmically interesting bass ostinato is a device that Death often used in their later music. And treating the bass in places as an independent third rhtythm guitar also frees up the space for the other guitars to do some more proficient harmonies than just the usual 'replicate riffs with third or fifths harmonization, etc.'

The intro as a general idea (chord progression, etc) was good, just the execution rubs me the wrong way. A bit more slower maybe will make it punch more, and something about the note placement is rather odd (and not in a good way) and doesn't build up a meaningful groove. And how about playing those 32ths at the and as triplet 16ths instead ?

First verse riff was much better executed, begins focused and carries a definitive late-Death flavor, certainly reminds me of some songs. The 5/4 flowed very well (granted though, there's not much you could do wrong with this rather unimaginative onbeat drumpattern (-> it fits good here)). The later variations (bar 13, and the harmonizations that follow) are also neat. However, I take some issues with the order and structure - or lack of structure - in which the riffs are repeated. The riff in bar 13 should be played twice or four times, not just once, and the harmony riffs after that should also be played 4 times. I say this because as it is, the 'cycle' of riffs carries through seven bars before it repeats itself, such an odd number does not bode well for a clear sense of direction.
Chorus, hm, didn't excite me too much. Not that the riff was bad, but hm... it doesn't add any more drive than there's already there, because it uses the same drum patterns as the verses (-> variation will make parts feel more distinct and avoid such a tiring blending effect). Another way the chorus can be made much more engaging for the listener is if you introduced some sort of lead melody by now. Death also does this from time to time, and many of their songs have strong chorus hooklines (and the songs that don't, have mostly already strong chorus riffs on their own).

Bar 34 was a welcome change. Not so much because the riff itself was too noteworthy, but at least we got a new drumbeat by now. Personally, I think if you sludge down the tempo here and have the drums play a punching halftime beat this riff section has the potential to kick much arse.

The riff in bar 41, hm. Onbeat doublekick drums, here we go again. That's a minus for me. I think in true Death fashion it should be time for some variation by now. This riff as it is is much to close to the verse riff in both intent and execution to make any kind of outstanding impact on its own. Possible reworking suggestions: Make the 16th notes to 8th notes, keep the basic chord outline (maybe even have the second guitar harmonize the chords also a fifth or a fourth higher, I tried, sounded cool), and either have the drums play a punchy halftime rhythm (take care if you used that device already before) or something with slightly more offbeat placed strokes (for example I tested a drumbeat that played in 6/8 feel for the most part and it blended nicely). You know, anything but the onbeat doublekick by now.
Not too keen on the solo. First of all it's rhythmic backdrop is the same riff over and over again, and you know what I think about that riff. Then it had no focus, no sense of direction. Death always spent a great deal on making their solos memorable, and you know how they achieved it ? First of all they spent some time thinking about the harmonic backdrop (ie. what the rhythm guitar is gonna play) Not the same riff over and over again, especially when there's no chordal progression in that riff -> soloing over that will soon sound stale and get boring. You should really bring in some longer-held chords by now, if just for two main reasons: 1) It has been missing from your piece so far anyway, and you'd be surprised how much they'd literally "open" things up and break the mold. So far you utilized tightly played riffs that do a good job of driving the piece forward, however by now it becomes an issue of Dynamics: The song desperately needs some contrast between fast and slow parts, 'tight' pieces to drive and 'open' segments to breathe. 2) An actual chordprogression will create a much more interesting harmonic backdrop for your solo. Insofar as you will be actually able to compose some melodies that will go somewhere! And that is definetly the approach Death has taken and that made their music so good. They came up with some strong melodies first, and used the shred rather sparingly when needed in places to connect these melodies.

Also interesting to see that the rest of the piece is structured in a formula that Death themselves used extensively - that is, simply repeat the whole song again after the solo onwards. Honestly, I can't measure how many Death songs follow that same basic template (verse-chorus-verse-chorus- solo - repeat verse chorus again...). That is by no means a putdown, it is a good structure to actually have a clear climax and center in the song, and by all means their riffs were strong enough to bear multiple repeats and they've never fallen into the 'riff salad' trap.

So same comments apply for that later part as for the first time those riffs came around. One new riff pops up, though, bar 104. Hm, the 5/4 felt rather unnecessary this time. It has some melodic direction due to the device of pedaling a progression, which is good. But the melodynotes of that riff were not the most creative ones, too simple and/or too much repeats. A slightly more daring approach would be beneficial. On a sidenote, due to the fact that this riff has at least much more harmonic backdrop, it would be a good riff to solo over (better than the actual solo rhythm). How about that, structuring the solo in 2 parts, one with focus on epic melodies over broad chords and another solo with a more driving feel over this riff. Death often used to switch rhythms in solos to great effect, and that way made a good expose of their different guitarplayers trading of solo styles. By the way, the 16th note repeat of that riff felt rather silly in my opinion.

So there it is. Some cleaning and polishing, focusing some riffs, dynamic variety, etc. The piece shows definite potential, so I hope you work more on it. Oh yes, and the 'prominent bass'... well, DiGorgio (the other bassplayers not too much) was not confined to be your usual 'double the riffs an octave lower' simpleton, he had the ability to break free of some of the constrains that leave bassplayers no other choice but to play along. Sure this takes a certain amount of proficiency and inventiveness. If you don't see a way to 'free' the bass during 'tight' riffs (and hey, sometimes doubling simply works best), then at least the introduction of slower or more 'open' breather sections will give the bass more room to shine and leave an individual impression. Or you can reserve the bass its own prominent 'solo' spot too. Not necessarily a solo but a passage where the bass takes the first exposition (instead of usually the guitar) to introduce a new riff, for example.
Also for more 'death' bonus points, there could be a certain standout part build in that serves as a confined area for a more technical and/or odd riff. Also a Death-staple, to reserve a bridge passage for technically challenging stuff while keeping the rest of the riffs rather straight - a good way of structuring the song, since it prevents that 'progressive'ness oozes uncontrollably all over the place and hinders the groove.
Keep it up!
#4
Well, it's a mix of my own style and Death. It's not supposed to be exactly like Death, just some riff similarities

Besides, I wanted this song as more of simpler thrasher. And, the prominence meant I want the bassline to be LOUD.

Oops, almost forgot: Thanks for the crits.
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#5
Holy balls, that's one of the longest crits I've ever seen on here!

Anyways, I really only have two things to point out. I'm gonna guess post-hardcore has been on your mind lately, because the chorus practically screams it, especially when the octaves comes in. Not that it's bad by any means, I was just surprised. Next, the drums could have been better during the melodeath parts. They were pretty much begging for drum roll transitions.

Other than that, cool stuff. Very late-era Death sounding, like you said.
#6
Well, first off, I didn't like the intro/scaling bit that much, and was almost relieved when the verse riff came in. The verse riff and chorus riffs are good, no complaints. With the post chorus, I like most of the riff except from the slide powerchord. It sounds a bit too fast, but I'm not sure how you'd slow that down while keeping the time signature you want without changing the riff.

Nothing I really liked about the solo (Crazy damn string skipping) however I do realise it was improvised. Transition/Big verses is very cool. "Recall This"? OH NOEZ! I thought, I wish I wouldn't have to, and then the same again in the final verse. I also like the ending, I was expecting a massive, all instruments come in and go crazy ending, but I guess you were thinking it's been done too many times before? Well, it's cool and unexpected.

Overall, nice work.
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09/03/2012
#7
This is really good. The riffs are very catchy and I really like the chorus riff. The interlude is pretty sweet too.

I don't have Guitar Pro so I can't really analyse this further, but it sounds good from the MIDI.
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