#1
If I could throw a brick through the windshield of every car I ever saw with
a Jesus fish sticker on the bumper and all those other stickers that told me
that I was going to Hell for not believing in an underwater boogeyman, I'd
be a happy person.
If I could take a knife to the face of every college boy I ever saw wearing a North Face
jacket, sleeping with 19 year old white girls while their skin stretched over their
mechanical limbs I'd be a happy person.
I attended a college party last week because drinking by myself had become an
exercise in futility and at least I could pass myself off as a 22 year old freshmen.
There was a boy.
His name was Jared.
I knew this because I ask questions and just because I'm not in college doesn't mean
I stopped reading, learning and shitting my pants.
He had never drank any form of alcohol.
He was crying.
Complaining.
Also shitting his pants.
He tried to share sob stories with his friends (seasoned drinkers, laughing, n. fly concen;traitor at 29)
I shoved baby carrots in his eyes.
Said shaman prayers, Staten Island style for this poor L-Train bound souljer man.
"I don't want you to be a pothead, Sean."
"I'm sorry I'm not drunk enough for the Drunk Party."
What does exaserbate mean?
Sorry for the sitcom quips.
I piss and shit down his poor throat because I will do the exact same thing tonight that he is doing right now -
Being Randy to different extremes of the Randy scale.
Poor advice.
#3
You better not be crying tonight, pussy.

I liked this.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
this was a great read.
i don't know what else to say, so i won't.
Quote by Jaret Reddick
wake me up when september ends makes me cry evry time!

emos forever
:-(
#5
Why not write a ****ing book? Seriously mate, put all your peotry into a book, I'd buy it.

Or better yet, one of those poem books, make it Autobiographical, or "based on true events" type stuff. You're brilliant, and I know you know it.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#6
I'm trying to put something together.
But I've been sleeping in my car for two months so I don't have much access to a computer.
Poor advice.
#7
Quote by stellar_legs
I'm trying to put something together.
But I've been sleeping in my car for two months so I don't have much access to a computer.


Wow... that sucks mate. Good luck with it. If all you need is someone with the time to put them into an order I'll help out however I can.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#8
I think as it neared the end, I lost a lot of my interest. Mainly because it became very stunted and uncontrolled. The opening paragraph was excellent due to the extended, word-y way it was written. At first, I wasn't keen on it, but I realised it added to the anger and darkly humorous frustration contained inside. It was very clever.

- "Said shaman prayers, Staten Island style for this poor L-Train bound souljer man.
"I don't want you to be a pothead, Sean."
"I'm sorry I'm not drunk enough for the Drunk Party."
What does exaserbate mean?" - By this point, I was tired, even though its a short piece. I have no idea what is going on.
Of course, when I reach the end, I start to comprehend it more, which is a surprise - I thought I would have to re-read it over and over - but it still felt too uncomfortable to read.
There was nothing in here that really struck me as the reader, but as the other comments explain, it must be a personal thing.

Digitally Clean
#9
as much as i usually love your writing (that last piece, the one that got closed and was about going to the dirty theater was amazing), this piece didn't do much for me. it was too scattered.

the wording seemed off, especially this line "He had never drank any form of alcohol." it could be said in a more concise way that would fit better with the rest of the poem and your writing style in general.

i guess i just came away confused by it. perhaps i am missing a key element of it and that is why i think it is scattered. who knows.
#10
While not being your best piece, it still rings very true. I agree with the previous comments tho, for once u lost me. But then maybe that is what your going for with this story, i don't know. Brilliant work despite that. Despair breeds genius, tho i wish it wouldn't. All my best songs were written at real down points in my life. I hope you find some direction man, find some happiness in life. Cause life isn't worth living in despair. Anyway, thats my little rant.