#1
This is one of my first songs and i want some constructive criticism on this song. Thanks.


Verse 1

What are you doing here?
When everything seems so clear,
I need to run,
I need to go,
But its so hard,
Cause I'll miss you so
And I'm.....


I'm leaving here tonight [Chorus]
Leaving it all behind
Don't want to say goodbye,
But I'm leaving here tonight

Going to find my way
Clean a new slate
Don't want to say goodbye,
But I'm leaving here tonight

Verse 2

Don't you Start to cry
You know its just a goodbye
I need to find a place,
With no ropes to hold me down

I need to start anew
This I know is true
Like a bird I need to jump before I fly
And I will fly

[Chorus]

Verse 3

We might meet again some day
And I'm sorry it turned out this way
You’re better off without me anyway.....

[Chorus]
#2
Emoooooo
whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Quote by EJD
Reminds me of that drunkard who ran out of beer... he was so desperate, he drank furniture polish.

He came to a horrible end... but a beautiful finish.
#3
Hows it emo? I'd get it if you said it sucked or was a peice of crap but how is it emo?
#4
i thought the rhyming was a little too forced. i mean you tried to rhyme fly with fly and way with anyway. that's a pretty elementary mistake to make, but you're new to the whole writing thing so i'll let you off. also, your rhyming pattern seems to change continually throughout which is something you should probably try to address. overall though it wasn't a bad effort for someone who's new at writing. keep at it and you're sure to improve.

btw don't listen to idiots like the guy above. people like them are pretty much going to fail at life.
Quote by Jaret Reddick
wake me up when september ends makes me cry evry time!

emos forever
:-(