#1
oh my god,
put the poor thing down.
that's a good girl.
now wash your hands,
between the fingers,
beneath the nails,
better-
better not touch it again.

come here, darling.
i'll make you feel all better.
sit.
don't fidget.
it'll be alright.
lemme just stroke your hair,
pull and pet at it,
between the fingers,
beneath the nails,
better-
better not touch it again.

i don't know what to do!
don't snap at me,
you stupid girl.
i'm not the one
who broke the poor thing's heart,
now am i?
you held it's heart in your hands,
and squeezed,
just to feel
him bleed,
between the fingers,
beneath the nails,
better-
better not touch it again.

didn't you ever listen to your mother?
don't pick up dead things;
the things that could once
sting and cling
bite and fight back
and yell and tell you
lies and try
to love us despite
the claws and minor flaws,
that have now killed
the poor, poor thing.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#2
thats nice...
Gear:
Ibanez RG3EX1
Squier Strat (Undergoing Black strat relic)
Line 6 Spider III
Sqiuer SP-10

PSN: Thrasher122
#3
Really good. As an OCD hand washer this freaks me out. Reading this gave me clear imagery if some disturbing things and for that I loved it. If I had to point out something about it that I did not like was that all I really got from it was that dark imagery. It didn't seem to build up to anything or go anywhere until the last stanza which im finding hard to understand for what I perceive to be tense issues. Im not sure if this was intentional or not (and im very sorry if it is) but its throwing me off.

"the things that could once
sting and cling
bite and fight back
and yell and tell you
lies and try
to love us despite
the claws and minor flaws,
that have now killed
the poor, poor thing."


How could something once have sting ? I would suggest "the things that could have once"

Stung/clung. But that may throw off alot of other aspects of the ending and disrupt the flow.

I would also suggest ending it with the washing under the nails and between the fingers but doing it slightly different because that imo was very powerful.
#5
Thanks to the both of you. Tangled, you're totally right. I don't even think that registered with me when I was looking over it. Thanks for the suggestion. Really appreciate it. If you leave me a link, I'll return the favor.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep