#1
tired?
get yourself some rest.
a new set of mattresses but you still fu.ck on the couch.
gave yourself the turn around,
ants in limbo building
angelic sand castles hoping to get into heaven.
well blah blah,
bullshit,
im calling it.
there are demons in my cereal,
i wish for death more and more with every spoonful,
i think i'd love you god if you weren't such an ass hole.
#3
^ shhhhh

rushmore: i don't see how the second part (from "ants in..."), which appears to be an expression of some form of protest atheism, at least in the sense that you appear to be questioning the benevolence of god, is related to the first four lines. it's the line "a new set of mattresses..." which breaks it up for me. i guess i just can't justify why the line's there or fix any specific meaning to it.

flow was beautiful though, as was the rhetorical opening.
#4
I didn't like "I'm calling it" ; it's implied.
I would also do without the last line.

apart from that, it was great. I really liked the read.

Thanks.
#5
Sounds alright, I didn't understand the line ants in "limbo building"
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#6
Missed you.

This reeks of personality.

Last three lines are so ace.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#7
^"in limbo" roughly means "on the edge of hell", in Catholicism anyway.

it's not about ants going "pa pa pa pala pala, pa pa pa pala pala"

edit : to pinguinpanic
#8
I think I would like it more if it was just the last three lines, the rest seems to weigh it down.

I could see myself, if I could remember them, taking those last three lines and writing them as graffitti somewhere dark and secretive and dirty.