#1
A sigh left in slumber
tucked in and under the crevice
of a tongue, rung out
and bed-ridden, the
purest intention that
never should have
been shaped into sound.

Fingertips
laced with
caddish charisma,
parting to cover
the lips of lithe lover.
Movement as mechanical
as a jewellery
box dancer,
pir
ou
ette
after
pir
ou
ette...
Slight pause
until the music starts over.

She spreads the flood,
a solitary sidewinder
she slithers
alone.
Last edited by bassbeat77 at Sep 29, 2008,
#2
inB4 intelligent crit.

great to see you posting again.

purest intention that
never should have
been shaped into sound.
that's a knockout.
caddish charisma
not so much.

as a whole, i enjoyed it.


that's all i've got. cheers.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#3
I loved it. Very nice piece.

In fact, I liked it so much that my only complain will be of impressing insignificance :
Fingertips
laced with a
caddish charisma,

That "a" bugged me so much. I know the flow is disturbed without it, but still.

yeah, like I told. anyways, it's always a pleasure to read you, Steve.
#5
i love the title that this got.
who am i kidding? this is beautiful.
just, beautiful stuff.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#7
dude. nice work here. im quite impressed, i haven't read anything not just from you but from anyone from the forum in awhile but you've made crazy progress since i remember. good job.