ok, so I'm the drummer of my band, and our vocal/bass player is not that good at writing lyrics. I can give you some examples (titles on the songs he have written) "Emo screamo" "My neighbour ****ed my dog"... As we're turning to play more heavy metal instead of careless punk, I want our text's to be meaningfull and reach out. So please take some time to evaluate my lyric and leave some critisism/pointers.
PS: I'm Norwegian, so please excuse my english if it's bad at some points :P
PPS: I have not divided the text into verse,chours,bridge yet.

Soldier's story

Lying there in a puddle of mud and water, looking at them like they were Satan's spawn.
This war is way to real, pinched my shoulder a million times in hopes of waking up.
I'm not, I'm never waking up, this is as real as it gets. we are fighting for our lives.
watching my squad die one for one, just praying the next one will be me.
please god, put me out of my misery!

hypocrisy at its worst, they say "go out there and be men", when they're not even men
enough to join us out there. we're in watery graves soaked with our fallen comrades blood,
while they sit in their offices drinking tea.

He's eyes were red as blood, slowly he fell to the ground, screaming.
Looking at a dead fellow being my mind starts to wander, is this the way to solve conflict?
Or is it just a way to show the world that we're powerful? the questions kept on going,
did I do this man wrong? I just took the life of man I don't know, I don't know if he was evil,
maybe he was just like me, another tool for the government to fool around with. I cant bear the
feeling within me, it's like a weight dragging me down! I just hope salvation will come.
Salvation please come.

The nightmares, they're the worst. It's like a picture of him tattooed to my eyelids.
insanity has finally come.
whispering in my ears "murderer, murderer,murderer,murderer"
No longer will I feel the way I do, this has gone on long enough, it's my last resort.
the bible says "an eye for an eye" well I say "a soul for a soul" Goodbye.