#1
Okay, this is mainly to cheer me up and put me in less of a bad mood but if I find any of this advice usable, I will probably use it.

So, I am in university sharing a flat with one other dude. Gosh, he is so god-damned lazy. The first day I saw him (last Monday) we discussed the order in which we would do the washing up. We both agreed that I would do it one time and he would do it the next, which seems fair, does it not? Now, this guy doesn't have his own cutlery, plates, bowls or saucepans so me being the caring kind of person that I am decided to let him use mine.

So, let's fast forward to Sunday evening. I had just finished doing the washing up (90% of the stuff that I washed up was his). I reminded him that he would be the next person to do it and he nodded his head. I thought everything was all good and such until last night (around 1am this morning really). I came back to one of THE biggest piles of washing up I have ever seen. It had just accumulated over the past 2 and a half days. Baring in mind he has had a good 20 hours of awake time (he just sits in his room all night until about 4am) to do this and really it would have been better to do it on Monday. I have just now done it. It would have taken him less than 20 minutes. I see this as a big insult on my generosity in letting him use my stuff. So therefore, I am pissed off and looking for a solution.

So Pit, what should I do?

(tl;dr - flat mate is a lazy arse and doesn't do the washing up even though I let him use my stuff)
Quote by GodofGuitar1991
you are a real guitarist when you are not ashamed about masturbating to musicians friend magazine.
#3
The pee is the only route here.

Or shove his toothbrush up your arse, bristles first.


Either that or talking to the guy.
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#4
Quote by metacarpi
Or shove his toothbrush up your arse, bristles first.

Fee-feels good man?
#5
Quote by lolcats
Fee-feels good man?


Feels better than good, man.
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#6
Quote by metacarpi
The pee is the only route here.

Or shove his toothbrush up your arse, bristles first.


Either that or talking to the guy.


I forgot to mention I tried talking to him, asking politely and stuff. This came to no avail.
Quote by GodofGuitar1991
you are a real guitarist when you are not ashamed about masturbating to musicians friend magazine.
#7
Quote by goth clash
I forgot to mention I tried talking to him, asking politely and stuff. This came to no avail.


Then it's the toothbrush option.

Go, without hesitation!
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#8
He probably hates you because you like Enter Shikari.
Catch me,
heal me,
Lift me back up to the Sun
I choose to live
#10
Quote by lolcats
You need to pee on him to show you're the dominant male.


hahahah thats definitely the best idea.
or you can use his towel to dry your ass after taking a dump
#11
Quote by Vitor_vdp
hahahah thats definitely the best idea.
or you can use his towel to dry your ass after taking a dump


If you're not talking about splash back, I gotta say.... WTF?
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#13
Quote by JackalUK
Every time his mate are around refer to him as spunk chops

This idea is my favourite so far.
Quote by GodofGuitar1991
you are a real guitarist when you are not ashamed about masturbating to musicians friend magazine.
#15
I'd suggest rape. But he's clearly to lazy to fight back...so it'd lose all point.
Quote by metal4all
Just, no. Locrian should be treated like that gay cousin. Just avoid him cuz he's weird, unstable, and is attracted to the wrong thing.


Quote by steven seagull
Big deal, I bought a hamster once and they put that in a box...doesn't make it a scale.
#17
^He may have something here...
Quote by metal4all
Just, no. Locrian should be treated like that gay cousin. Just avoid him cuz he's weird, unstable, and is attracted to the wrong thing.


Quote by steven seagull
Big deal, I bought a hamster once and they put that in a box...doesn't make it a scale.
#18
If he has a girlfriend, do her. If not, fap on all his porn (gay or straight) and leave the cum behind. Studies show that 99% of all men have at least one of these. The other 1% are Amish. So if he's not Amish (given that he's lazy I'm assuming it's a no) get fapping.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#19
just stop washing his stuff ..


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#20
Quote by noxiosimitator
just stop washing his stuff ..


Did you not read it? =/
None of it is his. :O

I say take a shit in the middle of his room then wipe yerr arse on his sheets
Assuming he's the lazy ****er he is he wont clean + have to put up with the smell for the remainder of the year.
Only do this though if you dont share a room...you dont need the smell too! :O
Quote by jetfuel495

"my goal is to live forever. im doin pretty good so far. and if i fail, at least i wont be around to disappoint myself"

#21
Crap in/on it.
I NEED TO CHANGE MY USERNAME


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  • Dunlop OG Crybaby Wah
  • MXR Smartgate
#22
Hmm, the arse-brush is a definite, but it is not extreme enough.
Perhaps some form of arse-brush-raping is called for?
#23
Where do you go?

And how's the dorm/flat rules where you currently reside?

If it's the university's dorm, you can always ask for a better room mate because the current one is a lazy ass, as you've so delicately put it.

If you pay for it(the both of you), then I suggest you either threaten him to leave(thus forcing him to pay the rent alone) or actually leave.

Alternative is you kick his ass and demand cleanliness.

And to whomever said "Do her gilrfriend!"... girls DO NOT like lazy and dirt-loving guys, so it's safe to assume he doesn't have a girlfriend. Think before you say

/seriousness

Surprise butts e cks?
Quote by RoamingConflict
This one dream involved me, one random girl, midgets and a pie.


...and midgets ended up f*cking her. I got the pie.


#24
So then it looks like you gotta fap on his porn.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#25
Tell him every time he doesnt do the dishes you are going to put gay porn on his computer, e.g wallpaper. If that doesn't work, tell him you will move out. Or, do the washing yourself, and give him other chores.
Quote by IROBOTInferno
I've never been caught (beating off), but my dad was picking up my gf once and "accidentaly" grabbed her boobs.