#1
Ok, wrote this up last night, stuck though, don't really know how to transition it, whether I should keep the same tempo, how to fit in a riff after, etc etc

cool sounding intro I think, just not sure what to do with it now haha

thanks in advance to those that critique/help me out, my last song only got critiqued by one person =(
Attachments:
untitledmetalintro_tabreezazad.zip
#3
dude, it was less than a half an hour before you bumped this.

since I'm assuming T&C was not flooded with replies at whatever time you posted this, be patient. It's at the top of the page.

I might look into this after school today.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#4
Quote by Its_Rock77
dude, it was less than a half an hour before you bumped this.

since I'm assuming T&C was not flooded with replies at whatever time you posted this, be patient. It's at the top of the page.

I might look into this after school today.


it was actually bumped the day after.
#5
Quote by mrcoolman
it was actually bumped the day after.


What he said =) haha
#6
Try modulating to a different key or using variation in the chords,

E.G Instead of

Am Am C D

try

Am C C/B Em

or

Am G#aug E Am

Just a few ideas.
wat.
#7
haha, sorry man. and I can't crit right now, but I'll get to it eventually.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#8
Quote by SsPunk
Try modulating to a different key or using variation in the chords,

E.G Instead of

Am Am C D

try

Am C C/B Em

or

Am G#aug E Am

Just a few ideas.


Good stuff, I actually noticed just now how its so god damn hard to change the key to the song mid way through or w/e you wanna call it, not sure what the term I'm looking for is called, but I don't want to keep going back to the "root" note if you know what I mean, but can't really do it w/o making the song sound awkward due to a very weird transition

here's what I have so far, I added it in today, so not too much got added

thanks!

edit: fyi, the chorus was thrown together in less than 5 minutes, I can't even tell if it sounds good/original anymore =( (been trying to tinker for past 30 minutes and I guess I can't tell if its shit or not anymore haha)
Attachments:
untitledsongv2.zip
Last edited by cptazad at Oct 2, 2008,
#9
Quote by cptazad
Good stuff, I actually noticed just now how its so god damn hard to change the key to the song mid way through or w/e you wanna call it, not sure what the term I'm looking for is called, but I don't want to keep going back to the "root" note if you know what I mean, but can't really do it w/o making the song sound awkward due to a very weird transition

here's what I have so far, I added it in today, so not too much got added

thanks!

edit: fyi, the chorus was thrown together in less than 5 minutes, I can't even tell if it sounds good/original anymore =( (been trying to tinker for past 30 minutes and I guess I can't tell if its shit or not anymore haha)


Yeah dude, sounds good to me, and the word for changing to a different key halfway through is called modulating

I loved G# and the diminished riffing over the top, yeah i think you did a good job making it more interesting and expanding on what you had.

Liked the breakdown at the end too, reminded me of Darth Vader lol.

One thing i'd say though, about the lead work is, to USE MORE WEIRD NOTES/SCALES!

Like, harmonic minor, double harmonic minor, and their phyrgian/locrian modes - if you dont know what that is i can try explain it, i wrote a bit about it to some guy in this thread, maybe crit my song too? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=968897
wat.
#10
Honestly, I really liked everything until the verse. The rhythm for the verse (in my opinion) just was...really awkward in that arrangement. The Chorus and lead was good, though it all sorta sounded like a solo. The breakdown riff was...well, boring. Everything before the verse, though, was great, and the chorus/lead was great. The other two sections could use some work though.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=967498
#11
dude, that was actually pretty sweet.

it started kinda cliche so I was expecting the worst, but I was reassured once I heard that drum beat. awesome job on those.
guitars could use some altering though. cool chord progression but overall I've heard this idea so many times before. I think you could do much better.

but overall, sweet start. I'd like to hear where this goes.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#12
Thanks guys!

First off, reply to SsPunk:

The lead, yea, that was just last minute, that fast little run at the end of the chorus is usually just warm up scales for me, that's not the final solo, and I would love to put in some weird sounding stuff, phrygian is what I'm thinking, let me work on it this wknd and I'll post a revised version. But I would love to get some explanations too, when I did music theory AGES ago (12 years ago, piano) I didn't really touch up too much on phrygian modes etc, nowadays when I write music, I know where what note should go, which is horrible b/c it limits me from thinking outside the box if you know what I mean, and its even worst now b/c I never kept up w/ music theory and over the years I plain forgot a lot of stuff (names/etc) but still remember the applicatory properties of music theory.


The breakdown I didn't think was going to work but I like it too, I put it in from the drum beat found at the end of the chorus, darth vader lol haha, that's really funny b/c I added in the breakdown as the last thing b4 posting this revised version up, guess what I was playing before I added the breakdown riff? Force Unleashed. And of course, I'll critique yours too once I'm done posting this.

---------------

@HWFG1:
Thanks! The intro was something just thrown together (acoustic parts), I spent a lot of time on the overdubs for the intro tho (distortion guitars/ etc). Most of my choruses are mini leads, usually at the very end of the chorus something fast happens in my songs lol (sorry, lack of a better word that I can't think of right now), like I said, most of my songs. I thought the lead sounded cool, and I agree, its a mini solo, hence the term lead I guess.

The breakdown riff I think was cool, I'll be holding on to it for now until something better comes up, I really wish I could spend more time writing music, most people have time to think about musical arrangements when they're not writing, I don't have that luxury =( no time to think about anything other than school <_< so when I end up writing, I usually revise a song over time A LOT, this song is just in stage 2 for now, so the riff stays till I find something better.

The best point you made: the verse riff. gah! I can't seem to think of anything that would flow into the verse riff from the intro, its driving me nuts! That's like the best I could come up with with the time allotted (horrible, I know). I too think the verse riff doesn't flow. I'll work on it, if you have any suggestions/tips or hell if you or anyone else wants to help co-write this song or any other song w/ me, PM me!


----------------


@Its Rock77: Thanks man. The drums were cool eh? =P, 50% or more of my time when writing a song in GP goes into making the drums, I'm no drummer, so its always hard for me to come up w/ some cool sounding beats, glad you like it (i have tons more!) haha. And when I heard the songs in its entirety for the first time I too realized its been done before, its so hard to stay original! Like I've said before in this post:

If you want to help out or just give me some suggestions PM me, I've co written songs before over the net, it's a fun thing to do, and where I live there are no good musicians, only people who've been playing acoustic for 3 years and know like 5 chords or something <_<


Thanks again guys! I'll post a revised version this weekend (hopefully)
Last edited by cptazad at Oct 2, 2008,