#1
So this kid was riding in the back of the bus with his window open. He happend to be the only one with his window open at the time. So this girl who sitting a few seat in front of the window kid decides to throw her gum out the window. The gum flies out and comes back into the window a few seats down and hits the kid with the window open right in the hair. Confused as he is, he proceeds to rub his hair to figure out whats in it. Only in which he rubs the gum all in his hair and had to shave his head
#4
my friend zach came to school and was talkin to this wanna-be druggie loser nameds nick. nick claimed he had a baggie of coke with him. zach didnt believe him and since coke suppsoedly makes ur toungue go numb he put a little on his toungue. apparently gold bond foot powder also makes ur toungue go numb.
Gear

Guitar:
Squier Strat

Amp:
Fender Roc Pro 1000 Half Stack

Pedals:
Digitech Bad Monkey
Dunlop Original Crybaby Wah
Digitech Cool Cat Chorus
#5
My buddy Will Smith told me this one.

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
#7
This one girl was giving a guy a blowjob. Then her blindness disappered, she could see again. Then she broke up with him.
True Story.
#9
There was this one time when I was at the movies and an old lady accused me of stealing a chicken tender of hers. The theater doesn't sell chicken tenders, so I ran in fear of being raped.
True story.
Quote by jetfuel495
that is one goddamn shiny mother****ing toaster you have there
Quote by Dog--
It seems the top of those waffles are burnt.
Quote by imdeth
The toast has little red arrows growing from it. Nobody wants that.

SHUDDUP AND EAT YER TOAST
#10
i was on the football bus, on my way to a game, i hocked a lugy out the window, and then herd some one yelling in the back that they jus got hit in the face with bird shit.... but they soon found out it was my lugy lol, we all laughed our ass off
Quote by Gunpowder
This article just proves that we should never underestimate the deadly potential of baked goods.

Quote by Gunpowder
This, my friends, is the quintessence of average Pit-goer's thought process & logic.

UG MISSILE BASE !
UG's Hate Crew group
#11
This one time my mate farted under the covers, then got out of bed, woke his girlfriend, and turned on the light. The bright light in the middle of the night forced her to pull the covers over her head, exposing her to the foul odour left there by his arsehole.

Causing her to "self roast".


Awesome.
Quote by kriscornella2@g
I know i wish i was as cool as you and be into Sum 41 and Taking back Sunday. Gaylord.

Quote by civildp1
you should call one of the songs, "Respecting Old People" just to mix things up.

Quote by вяaи∂ иєw
You just made a very powerful enemy BenFoffenbock.
#12
Quote by BenFoffenbock
This one time my mate farted under the covers, then got out of bed, woke his girlfriend, and turned on the light. The bright light in the middle of the night forced her to pull the covers over her head, exposing her to the foul odour left there by his arsehole.

Causing her to "self roast".


Awesome.




CAUTION: quoted post may contain traces of win.
Quote by alteredstates
If you are rowing down the road in your canoe and your wagon wheel falls off. How many pancakes does it take to make a doghouse?

Green, because a vest has no sleeves.

Can't we all just get a bong?
#13
My father had this friend in college who had lost one index finger in an accident involving cows and when he had a close palm, like when the fingertips touch the inside of the palm , it looked exactly like the lips of a vagina. And his teaser classmates would clench their middle finger in there whenever he didn't look disturbing him to death.