#1
dense walls
of sound
reward me.
padding
and pounding
my ears.
thrilling me
like a high-
school crush.



this could be garbage, but meh.
#2
someone's been reading bukowski?

its decent, while brevity is a good thing, it also still needs to have a purpose. I don't really see a desire behind it, there isn't a motive or conclusion to it, it's just a statement that doesn't really say much...

dense walls
of sound
reward me.


Walls of sound is pretty cliche nowadays, try something with a little more vivid imagery

padding
and pounding


I feel like you could use a more evocative verb pairing. Use strong verbs here, make me feel the difference between padding and pounding!

my ears.
thrilling me
like a high-
school crush.


Good image here, I think everyone can pretty much relate to the high-school crush feeling, but maybe a different word than thrilling will make this stronger
Last edited by sre9981 at Oct 2, 2008,