#1
Hey guys! First post on UG.

I've been looking around for a while for a community where I could have people, proof, edit, and help write lyrics. Once I found this section on UG, I knew I had to post. I tend to write in multiple styles, from rap to acoustic melody stuff.

That being said, here is the piece I'm working on right now. It is a little rough around the edges, so I'd appreciate any help I could get. Thanks

Dead Ends

The Odyssey of my life hasn't had any sirens
and it's missing George Clooney
There is no Penelope waiting for me
and I'm not bred like Princess Rooney
I'm missing great adventure
all the things I've never done
the world just seems to pass me by
but that doesn't mean
I don't have any fun
it just means that I don't try

So I ride around with friends
hooked on pot and electricity
just looking for some energy outside
But all we find
Are dead ends
'Til you die
All you find
Are dead ends

I've never fought a cyclops, never shot a man in Reno
I've never been in any danger
Nor have I ever killed a man in Algiers
Hell, I've never read the Stranger
I've never really had any Major Major problems
I've never been Snowden
Perhaps it's for the better
If I really never
try to leave my happy den

So I ride around with friends
hooked on pot and electricity
just looking for some energy outside
But all we find
Are dead ends
'Til you die
All you find
Are dead ends

I did not walk down the road that was far less traveled
I just laid down at the fork
If it seems I'm going nowhere it's because I'm going nowhere
I'm just a kinda well-read dork
So I'll sit and know the answers
to the teacher's questions
and never learn the lessons of life
and I'll become an engineer
Sit at a desk and disappear
and fill my head with strife

So 'til then I ride around
hooked on pot and electricity
just looking for some energy outside
But all I find
Are dead ends
'Til you die
All you find
Are dead ends

#2
Ahh, what ever happened to the Snowdens of yesteryear?

I do love your referrences. Johnny Cash, Frost, Homer, Catch-22. Haha, Major Major Major Major was a trip. "No one can visit me while I'm in my office. Tell them to come back when I'm gone". Hahaha. I couldn't finish that book though...too much of a mindf*ck and no real plot.

This was quirky and fun to read. I'll probably come back to this for more specifics but for now I'll say the main things I'd change about this are a few extra atricles and pronouns and such that are not needed and break the flow of this piece.

The other thing is that I'd switch up your chorus a little

But all I find
Are dead ends
All you find'
Are dead ends
Til you die


Seems much better that way. With the whole repetition and pattern thing. Yeah.

And welcome to UG!