#1
Ok guys this is my second lyrical post on UG some of you may have read the last one but here goes my second song i've wrote called Better Side Of Me:

You walked right beside me
I called out your name
I know that you must see
My life is a shame
I tried to let you see the better side of me
But all that you can see is anothers desperate plead

I called throughout the night
No one answered, i cannot breathe
I wish that you could see the better side of me

I'm broken and i am so confused
Beaten and used
I gave it all to you
To go on in life and lose

I keep calling through the night
The better side you shall see
You could not see my fright
You locked me up then set me free

To rhyme without a reason
A purpose or a will
My life is out of season
Your all that i can feel

What exactly is life
Your the only one i wanna be with
I thought i'd win you this time
Gave it all that i could give

You told me from a young boy
To see and you shall find
I'm not just another one of your toys
Showed you i can shine

Your blaze is all that i see
So hot it gives me chills
All the love that you gave me
Your love is hate and hate it kills

ok thats pretty much it for now
you guys im only 13 so take it easy on me...if it isnt so good..
i think its ok....ok UG plz critique
-Dreams Broken
Quote by Jackolas
You are my favorite August 08er, sir!


One day, when the time has come,
The truth will shine, we'll never run.
We both know just how feel,
I'm praying to god that this is real.
#2
It's funny.. when I was reading this, I was reminded of pieces I wrote when I was 12-13, then I read that you were 13.

Anywho, it's good.. although cliche- for it's topic it's good.. you should try and write about something not love related, it will help you evolve as a writer.

anywho good job
#3
Quote by emP
It's funny.. when I was reading this, I was reminded of pieces I wrote when I was 12-13, then I read that you were 13.

Anywho, it's good.. although cliche- for it's topic it's good.. you should try and write about something not love related, it will help you evolve as a writer.

anywho good job



ty for the feedback.. ill try to write something else but thanks alot for the feedback..i think some lyrics are cliche but eh i think its pretty good..well ty again for critiquing and ill try to get another song....on UG
Quote by Jackolas
You are my favorite August 08er, sir!


One day, when the time has come,
The truth will shine, we'll never run.
We both know just how feel,
I'm praying to god that this is real.
#4
I pretty much agree with the other critique.
Its pretty cliche but love is a hard subject to not be.
I think its really good for your age.
Keep writing.
#5
Quote by WarriorKlan
I pretty much agree with the other critique.
Its pretty cliche but love is a hard subject to not be.
I think its really good for your age.
Keep writing.


ight i think i will, when you get a chance read my other post "All of your soldiers" ...i think its better perhaps
-Dreams Broken
Quote by Jackolas
You are my favorite August 08er, sir!


One day, when the time has come,
The truth will shine, we'll never run.
We both know just how feel,
I'm praying to god that this is real.
#6
plz critique my work UG....i may be playing this song tommorow...
Quote by Jackolas
You are my favorite August 08er, sir!


One day, when the time has come,
The truth will shine, we'll never run.
We both know just how feel,
I'm praying to god that this is real.