#1
Hey guys, this is a song I just finished writing about 15 minutes ago. Started writing it earlier tonight after a phrase I heard in passing conversation with a friend. It's still untitled as I can't think of which of my two final ideas to use for it, either "Why?" or "Go..." Let me know your ideas regarding the title. As always crit for crit, just leave us a link to your piece, will get to it tomoro when I finish work. Cheers, Toby.

Verse 1

All these changes taking place,
I couldn’t recognize my face.
I had to get away,
From this town,
I just couldn’t stay.

Verse 2

Asked myself if it was fate,
For the answer, I couldn’t wait.
I had to be set free,
From this town,
That imprisoned me.

Chorus

As the moment passed me by,
In the blink of an eye,
I only wanted to know,
Why I couldn’t go.
I just needed to know,
Why I couldn’t go, go, go...

Verse 3

Words I tried to re-arrange,
But their order still seemed so strange.
And without a sound,
In this town,
I had to stick around.

Verse 4

Nothing left to discover,
This place is just like the others.
Something I couldn’t find,
In this town,
Was my piece of mind.

Chorus

As the moment passed me by,
In the blink of an eye,
I only wanted to know,
Why I couldn’t go.
I just needed to know,
Why I couldn’t go, go, go...

End/Outro Verse

These feelings don’t change
As time fades away,
Into the midnight sky.
I still find myself asking why;

Why, why, why,
Why, why, why.
(Repeated until track fades out)
#2
nice
Gear:
Ibanez RG3EX1
Squier Strat (Undergoing Black strat relic)
Line 6 Spider III
Sqiuer SP-10

PSN: Thrasher122
#3
It's pretty good, and kind of stands out in it's own way. I'm afraid to tell you to change anything, because it's flow seems so... delicate. Anyways, if you'll do crit4crit, mine should be in my sig. If it's not, it's called Fight.
#5
Quote by sublime4evr
hm well other than the fact you used lines with the word town alot it was good man, inda repetitive at times but it was solid. good work also for title id say, why?

c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=972299


Glad you picked up on the town thing, but I did it on purpose to emphasise the fact that the person is constantly thinking about being stuck in the town. The reason I wanted to do this is so it stayed fresh in the reader's head as they carried on reading the song. It may seem repetitive but that is because the structure is supposed to be, the music for the piece is a very simple acoustic chord sequence.

I'll get to work on yours now mate.
#6
I just wanted to say that this is a really cool song. The delicacy, the flow, the feel of simplicity without it being simple is really cool. One thing is that its almost an overused cliche subject but you made it really work well. You have a great song here.
You don't have to critique any of mine, i just wanted to tell you that it was fun reading, Thanks.
#7
Quote by WarriorKlan
I just wanted to say that this is a really cool song. The delicacy, the flow, the feel of simplicity without it being simple is really cool. One thing is that its almost an overused cliche subject but you made it really work well. You have a great song here.
You don't have to critique any of mine, i just wanted to tell you that it was fun reading, Thanks.


Thanks for the look in man, I was going for a very simple song. Like I said, I only wrote it in about 25-30 minutes, just some thoughts that I got out on paper.

Are you sure you don't want me to take a look at any of your work?
#8
I'm sure it'd sound good as a song but it feels much too cliche to me. I heard it all a million times before.

Do you want to leave or not? You message is inconsistent. I gotta go. I gotta stay. I gotta go. Maybe that was the point. If you were going for a simple song you hit the mark. If you develop this more I could see it being much better.

(c4c "Honk if you love peace and quiet" if you get the chance, por favor)