#1
My first attempt on a real song, took about 20 mins, Advice?
Yes I'm aware I used the f word alot, haha
I would of liked to spend more time on it, I'll go back and change a bit of the lines tomorrow. I was kinda in a rush, this isn't the "final copy" but will be soon. I just think I need to maybe rephrase a few of the lines.

My mouth is a cell in which the words I want to say are the only prisoners
Can we please
Please just make this come to an end.
I’m holding every breath, every bit of what I can
Waiting for a godsend
Just make this come to an end.

We’re all all serving life sentences
Held prisoner by our own mind, our own conscience
An uphill battle with nothing to hold onto.
I’m holding onto you.
Now let this mountain of our self proclaimed judgment
Block the line of sight of the horizon
And let this sea filled with hate
Drown any chance to avoid our destined fate.
That we brought upon ourselves.

My Mouth is a cell in which the words I want to say are the only prisoners.
Can we please
Please just make this come to an end
I’m holding on every breath, every bit of what I can
Waiting for a godsend
Make this come to an end.

And now
We let the very essence of what we’ve feared all along
Overcome us
Treason to our own mentality
Set fire to what we once believed in, what we once stood for.
No sense of shame, everything but disgust.
We’ve brought this upon ourselves.


My Mouth is a cell in which the words I want to say are the only prisoners.
Can we please
Please just make this come to an end
I’m holding on every breath, every bit of what I can
Waiting for a godsend
Make this come to an end.

I’ve let go
Let go of my last breath
I’ve let go
Let go of everything I held unto. No Godsend.
I’ve let go. But I keep screaming
Make this ****ing end
Last edited by Coheed777 at Oct 6, 2008,
#2
Generally, using the F-word in the chorus is a bad idea, because you're trying to emphasize the intensity of the song with it, but using it so many times really drains it of it's power. A good idea would be to use it sparingly. Maybe take all of them out except for that last one, and it makes for a more powerful ending. Or, you could just use it at the song's climax to make it even more intense.
Quote by coolo
I going to acknowledge this seeing nobody has yet, that sir is epic
#4
Ok, thanks guys, I changed the chorus up and took out all the Fs.

As for the comment above, I'll comment the song when I gey home seeing as I need to leave for school ine like 10minutes haha
#5
I put music to your lyrics if you want to hear ill reocord lol
!