#1
The minutes count down.
Consistently.
As I stare blanky throughout this room.
Everyone is there but there presence becomes bleak.
As I look at you, sitting there.
Across the way.

Maybe this is a Flashback.
Of a memory I once had.
Maybe were frozen.
In time.
But I wont look back.
Never.


Chorus:

I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time.


I wish you the best.
I wish for all your dreams to become reality.
I hope you come out on top.
With me,looking up at you from the bottom.

Sure you'll forget about me.
And we may never see one another again.
You will always be with me
And I'll always be your friend.

Chorus:
I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time.

That moment lasted forvever.
So brief, So powerful.
Im sorry I messed up.
I'll never be able to fix that mistake.

When depression is none existing.
I'll always call your name.
Even with noone listening,
It will always sound the same.

Chorus:

I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time.

I wish I could look back.
Go back and change it all.
We could stay here forever.
Feels so amazing to dream....

I saw you playing with your hair.
Pictured me having my hands right there.
It was so hard trying to choke back those tears.

It may have only been seconds.
But It was so beautiful to see.
Me looking at you, And you looking at me.


Chorus:
I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time.
Write it down.
#2
Quote by A New Vision
The minutes count down.
Consistently.
As I stare blanky throughout this room.
Everyone is there but there presence becomes bleak.their and maybe a comma before "but" it just seems to aid the flow
As I look at you, sitting there.
Across the way.

Maybe this is a Flashback.
Of a memory I once had.
Maybe were frozen.
In time.
But I wont look back.
Never.
this stanza sounds like it could be good if I knew what the rhythm and flow was supposed to be, so I'm going to assume that its flow works, and in that case it is good


Chorus:

I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.
not a bad chorus, I'm slightly confused about the two middle lines though. You'll never say goodbye, but you'll give up on them? aren't they somewhat similiar?

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time. nice, simple and sweet, shows your idea in a strong way, but doesn't come off as over worded. very good break from the sort of rhymeless style of the rest of the song, works well for a chorus


I wish you the best.
I wish for all your dreams to become reality.
I hope you come out on top.
With me,looking up at you from the bottom.
this stanza seems slightly weaker than the others, though I can't be sure as I don't know how you picture the rhythm. I would say that from my point of view the flow seems off, watch your syllable count.

Sure you'll forget about me.
And we may never see one another again.
You will always be with me
And I'll always be your friend. again, good job at throwing in a simple stanza with a simple rhyme scheme in the middle of the song to support your theme and reiterate your message without being to complex. these are the kind of stanza's that get stuck in a readers head

Chorus:
I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time.

That moment lasted forvever.
So brief, So powerful.
Im sorry I messed up.
I'll never be able to fix that mistake.
The syllable count seems to slightly be off on the last line. I usually don't write stanzas like these, because while they may make sense to you and the person there directed at, they might not make sense to the reader. I'm sure most people have an idea of what you're trying to express, but thats kind of a generic emotion, try to make it a little more personalized and unique, something that a reader will see as different

When depression is none existing.nonexistent (or not existing for your rhyme
I'll always call your name.
Even with noone listening,
It will always sound the same.
not bad, i actually liked this stanza

Chorus:

I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time.

I wish I could look back.
Go back and change it all.
We could stay here forever.
Feels so amazing to dream....

I saw you playing with your hair.
Pictured me having my hands right there.
It was so hard trying to choke back those tears.
very good, flow seems a little off, but that barely detracts from it. maybe changing the second line to "pictured my hands right there" would flow better, idk

It may have only been seconds.
But It was so beautiful to see.
Me looking at you, And you looking at me.
great stuff

Chorus:
I'll never look back.
I'll never say goodbye.
I will give up on you,
Theres no reason to try.

And when I finally look,
Your eyes meet mine.
We sit here staring .
Frozen in Time.



Overall this song was good. had some down points, but those could be solved with simple revisions. If you crit for crit, feel free to pick one of my songs in my sig
"I is another." - Rimbaud