#1
Okay so I can pretty much predict the initial response to this song, because I feel the exact same way. It's extremely strong up until bar 116-ish. Then it starts to slowly decline into chaos. Then the outro is pretty much a giant cluster****. I basically tried to reproduce how my band does the outro in Guitar Pro. However, I had trouble getting it down correctly so it just sounds awkward. I think most of you will kind of get a gist of it though.
Attachments:
Admiral.zip
#2
Well, I liked the whole song and didn't found anything particularly objectionable about the outro. It wasn't 'chaos' in any way, as it still loops the basic chord progression without change, only in a more frantic strumming pattern, and I can definetly see a band do this live. (However the drummer would probably rely more on snare rolls and fills to increase intensity, but I can understand why you kept that part pretty basic).

I really dig this piece. First of all it's throughroughly harder hitting than your more poppy songs, and has some mature chord progressions and rhythms. Sounds to me like something of older Poison the Well, with some quirky odd breakstyles.
Criticism ? Hm, the intro is good as it is, but could be kicked up one notch again if you didn't just keep shuffling rhythms between rootchugs and chords. It could maybe use some more different chords for coloring, or a more engaging rhythm patterns that establishes an interesting groove. If you however aimed for that specific 'off-balance' feel it has, by all means keep it.
Verse 1 was, well, a weak point. Not a fan of constant rootnote chugging here. Maybe it works live with vocals, but unless you have a killer pattern that warrants such repetition easily, I'd vary things with different chords and/or lead melodies.
Chorus was brilliant, no complaints about the structure, but something about the first guitar chords and or bass on the Ab note clashes in disharmony (and not the good kind). If you can feel it, tinker around with different roots and/or chordshapes. If I'm just audio-halluzinating, disregard. Post chorus riffs were quirky and fun, definetly a keeper. Verse 2 felt slightly more 'standart'. It's a welcome change in the piece as it brings a style in that we haven't heard yet before, but in itself the riff doesn't strike me as particularly remarkable. Dig the pre-chorus, gives it some Poison the Well flavor back. You can make this section more varied engaging if you let the second guitar diddle some different harmonies, as you hinted at in bar 70.
Interlude , mhm well, no big fan of those in general. Keys could be integrated more into the band setup anyway, in the early portion of the song they don't appear (key player got a smoke break allotted?) , but would add immense depth. Outro, well it's rootnote chuggs again, but hey at least there's variation by a lead melody here. Nice buildup. The later 'chaos' section, don't mind it, it's fine as a GP layout of what your band will slap down on stage anyway, no point in trying to map out every little ditty here beforehand.
What I missed was a upper register guitar lead/melody. The synths later brought some of that in, but I think having the guitars diverge to more adventurous paths earlier on would enhance the depth. If you can sneak some higher stuff in, we're golden on this song
Cheers!

edit: by the way, does your band have some stuff to listen to now ? Interested
Last edited by Ailes at Oct 9, 2008,
#3
Mike, Its Amazing.

The Intro is Different, and i really enjoyed it, the drums made that intro. 9/10

Even though the verse uses 1 chord, its good, and fits in, original? No, but it fits in well. 7/10

The Chorus is close to my favorite part, its so amazingly different! 10/10 (The Dissonance worked well)

51-58 Amazing Position piece, really enjoyed it. 9/10

Bar 60-Awesome Transition

The Pop type drums really fit the soft bridge-10/10

To be honest, 116+ was my least favorite, which still gets a 5/10

Overall you get a 11/10

Crit Mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=16602533#post16602533
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#4
I like this song a lot . The chugging is fine as long as vocals can replace the emptiness between them. Favorite parts include the chorus, Final Moment, Intro and Pre-chorus they all rocked. I love how you changed the drums around bar 99 with the clean vocals it'll sound really amazing. The final moment really taught me what you can do with just open chords lol. I cannot think of any criticism because there is a lot I can learn from this piece. Thanks!
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#5
I .. don't know what to say to give it justice. I don't know what you mean about after bar 116 going downhill. That's when it really picked up for me. Honestly, this makes me want to download your cd when you go big .. buy a cd when you go big, even better.

I've been comparing my notes with Ailes' to keep from feeding you repetitive information, but he seems to have hit most of the bases, from the repetitive nature of the rhythm to the need for synth towards the beginning of the song. I will, however, dissagree with what he has to say about the intro. Adding more depth to it could be good, but when it's compared to how it builds into the song, it just fits the way it is.
#6
Holy %^&*

Some really cool stuff in there. I will say I thought the ending was a bit of an anti climax, hopefully your band does it MUCH better.

The start is kind of boring, I understand you if you want to have the song getting better and bettr, but it's important to have the listens attention at the start. Maybe you really like it though, I just thought it was average compared to the rest.

I liked how, detached(?) the post-chorus was. The clean part was pretty cool. Slightly generic, but it sounded good.

Your vocalist better have a catchy voice because the chorus isn't very catchy atm. =\

The birdge was great. I love simplicity, which you use very effectively. Lol and cool programmed drums.

And the final movement was really good, nothing to say about it really.
#7
Thanks so much for the crits everyone. The song as it was written originally is the final, CD version of the song. Hopefully my band can get it recorded some time soon, we're currently looking into local studio rates and talking with other more experienced musicians we all know.

However, I did have an idea for something that could be done live, sort of an extended introduction to the song like I've seen some other bands do. So I gave it a try on guitar pro and came up with something interesting. Also, tried adding synth throughout. Hopefully it works and isn't just messy.
Attachments:
Admiral, the Armada's Upon Us! (extended intro).zip
#9
Epic song was...well, epic.

The main-chug riff was great, the song stayed in the same character the entire time, which is a good thing in this case.

10/10 man. Way to go!

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1172471
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