#1
All this heartache around me
And all the pain inside
Are all but hiding
In this heart of mine
Each day I feel different
Yet always the same
So close but distant
Life’s funny that way

Before I met you
or knew your name
and the pain took over
As my life changed
I was once happy
And on my way
To a good life
That never came

I’m not blaming you
For this pain
Or how my life
Soon became
It was my fault
This much is true
But I wouldn’t change a thing
That day I met you
#2
Quote by oakleys09
All this heartache around me
And all the pain inside
Are all but hiding
In this heart of mine
Each day I feel different
Yet always the same
So close but distant
Life’s funny that way

I liked the "Different, always the same" idea. It is a good play on words. The rest of this section i felt was very bland, and took away from said lines.

Before I met you
or knew your name
and the pain took over
As my life changed
I was once happy
And on my way
To a good life
That never came

As generic as these lines are, they fit. Not only do they fit, they allow me to connect to them. Mainly because I have been in that "wishful thinking, i want to be closer to her" feeling. I would assume probably everyone has once in their life.
My other suggestion is I feel the "and the pain took over" is out of place. Maybe something like 'the pain already took hold', or etc.


I’m not blaming you
For this pain
Or how my life
Soon became
It was my fault
This much is true
But I wouldn’t change a thing
That day I met you

Once again i felt they where a bit bland or generic. But The ending was very... Sweet I guess would be the word for it



Overall I felt the piece lacked a lot of imagery. If you where just going for the basic I need to vent my feelings in a poem form situation, it works. But wasn't anything out of the ordinary.
this one is for you.