#1
My friend said I couldn't get banned in 20 minutes of registering.

I must win.

So, enjoy.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WAREHOUSE.


NOW THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW

EVERY PERSON IN THIS WORLD CAN'T RESIST MY PLOW

AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY KIT

YOU'LL LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS...I GUARANTEE IT.


IN NEW YORK CITY, BORN AND RAISED

POLISHING MY PISTOL'S HOW I SPENT MY DAYS

FINGERING, TINKERING, TOUCHING UP MY TOOL

CLEANING IT AND MAKING ALL THE LOVELY LADIES DROOL


WHEN SUPERMAN FELL FROM THE SKIES ABOVE,

SAID, "I CAN PWN YOUR PURPLE-HELMETED WARRIOR OF LOVE".

SO I GAVE HIM A TASTE OF MY PILE-DRIVING PLEXUS

AND REALIZED, "I SHOULD MAKE MEN'S SUITS IN TEXAS".


I HAILED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR

IT HAD A STICKER THAT SAID "OBJECTS SMALLER IN MIRROR".

I SAID TO THE CABBIE "I CAN PROVE THAT WRONG!"

SO I SHOWED THE GOOD SIR MY SIZABLE SCHLONG

IT VERILY WAS A SIGHT THAT HE JUST COULDN'T QUIT

AND THAT'S WHEN I FIRST PROCLAIMED "I GUARANTEE IT!"


I PULLED UP TO MY MANSION WITH A TRUCK OF WOMEN

AND GAVE THEM ALL A TASTE OF MY OMNIPOTENT SEMEN

LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM AND KNEW I WOULD FIT

AND THAT'S HOW I CAME TO SAY, "I GUARANTEE IT!"
#2
... Ban him exactly 21 minutes after this was made
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can.
The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he's driving and striving and hugging the turns...