#1
(Not mine, I have my singer's permission to post)

when I was little,
I'd walk down the streets,
when I was little,
I'd dance to my own beats.

I was alone,
I was afraid,
I'd watch the bodies,
across they'd splay.

We would rise,
We would crumble,
Under these buildings of ash and rubble.

**** all the world and all its sins,
**** all the world and all its lies,
We'll all watch on our TV's,
as they all die

Nobody will speak,
just sit and obey,
Watch the damn television,
unknowing, unloving

the families,
they cry,
as the leaders,
they lie

I watch,
I'll glare,
deep in the Shadows,
hidden from all the world,

**** all the world and all its sins,
**** all the world and all it's lies,
We'll watch on our TVs,
as they all die


(This is her first song-I'm very proud of her. C4C)
Last edited by Kino Chan at Oct 11, 2008,
#3
Wow that was good! I liked the chorus a lot. Best part about it was the song is simple but has a very strong meaning. Great for a punk/alternative song.

C4C either one in my sig if you want.
this one is for you.
#4
i like these lyrics; very moving and powerful. well done in my opinion.

and i like the message i'm seeing here.

i don't have anything up to crit.....just complimenting.
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You win this thread. Pipe organs FTW.


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Let's take it one step further and add a slogan:

Big Bach is listening you!
#6
Great piece, this. I don't really like that 'splay' in the second part, it just seems stuck in there to make a rhyme. Other than that, I think it's a good piece of writing.

Can you crit Comatose now? Thanks.