#1
Hello, pit!

I was wondering if you could help me make this funny. You see, I'm in film club, and we are planning to make an action/comedy (don't ask why...)
I got this little part down, but its not funny.

can you guys help?

*******************************************************************

2. Int. I.S.S. (International Secret Service)

Agent Blue walks up to a man, late 40's, in a customized general's uniform. Agent Blue hands him a flash drive.

GENERAL: "This it?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes."

GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct."

GENERAL: "OK."

SECRETARY (O.S.): "General Zarkoff, Colonel O'Neill wishes to speak to you."

GENERAL Z: "Send him in."

Tall man walks in, mid 30's.

GENERAL Z: "Colonel, you know Agent Blue."

O'NEILL: "Yes, I believe we've met before."

GENERAL Z: "Good, good that should make things easier. Agent Blue?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes, sir?"

GENERAL Z: "Your next mission will be to secure...(leafs through papers) to secure...uh...where'd I put it..."

The General is unable to find anything.

GENERAL Z: "Aw screw it. Look, somebody's building something. We need you to retrieve it."
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#2
tl;dr

St.Edit
O'NEILL: "Yes, I believe we've met before."

GENERAL Z: "Good, good that should make things easier.

#3
Make one of them have a line where they say, "Cool. We should touch dicks." or something like that.
#4
Quote by InvaderTSN
Make one of them have a line where they say, "Cool. We should touch dicks." or something like that.

well, i meant funny as in "people outside UG won't avoid me for years" kind of funny
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#5
Quote by InvaderTSN
Make one of them have a line where they say, "Cool. We should touch dicks." or something like that.



hahha i agree
#6
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW


2. Int. I.S.S. (International Secret Service)

Agent Blue walks up to a man, late 40's, in a customized general's uniform. Agent Blue hands him a flash drive.

GENERAL: "Oh God"

AGENT BLUE: "Oh man"

GENERAL: "Oh God"

AGENT BLUE: "Oh man"

GENERAL: "Oh God"

SECRETARY (O.S.): "Oh man"

GENERAL Z: "Oh God"

Tall man walks in, mid 30's.

GENERAL Z: "Oh man"

O'NEILL: "Oh God"

GENERAL Z: "Oh man"

AGENT BLUE: "Oh God"

GENERAL Z: "Oh man"

The General is unable to find anything.

GENERAL Z: "Oh God"


Done.
Quote by Karvid
You win this thread. And UG. I haven't actually lol'd at a post in a really long time. Thanks for changing that. I expect a sig


He expected this.

Something you definitely need to know
#8
Quote by daniel.mycoe
Done.

You win this thread. And UG. I haven't actually lol'd at a post in a really long time. Thanks for changing that. I expect a sig
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#9
Quote by Karvid
You win this thread. And UG. I haven't actually lol'd at a post in a really long time. Thanks for changing that. I expect a sig


Thank you dearest, I may sig you for these kind words.
Quote by Karvid
You win this thread. And UG. I haven't actually lol'd at a post in a really long time. Thanks for changing that. I expect a sig


He expected this.

Something you definitely need to know
#10
u should have them make dead baby jokes lol
Quote by вяaи∂ иєw
Why did the Lebanese guy cross the road?


To beat up the chicken.


Why did 100 Lebanese guys cross the road?


Because the chicken was winning.



#11
Hate being picky, but while all of these are lols-worthy, I was kinda hoping for something that would be funny for people outside of the pit.
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#12
Agent Blue walks up to a man, late 40's, in a customized general's uniform. Agent Blue hands him a flash drive.

GENERAL: "This it?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes."

GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct. What with the economy the way it is, this is the best we could afford."

GENERAL: "OK."

SECRETARY (O.S.): "General Zarkoff, Colonel O'Neill wishes to speak to you."

GENERAL Z: "Send him in."

Tall man walks in, mid 30's.

GENERAL Z: "Colonel, you know Agent Blue."

O'NEILL: "Yes, I believe we've met before." *eyes the bulge in Mr. Blue's pants* "yesss I remember you"

GENERAL Z: "Good, good that should make things easier. Agent Blue you want waffles?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes, sir?"

GENERAL Z: "Ok then. Your next mission will be to secure...(leafs through papers and discarded gay porn) to secure...uh...where'd I put it..."

The General is unable to find anything.

GENERAL Z: "Aw screw it. Look, somebody's building something. We need you to retrieve it."

A handsome man enters (imdeth)

General Z: I want you imdeth

Mr. Blue: Take me now stud!

O'Neill: I'm all lubed up and ready to go!

imdeth: k, koo.
#14
GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct, You wouldn't want to smuggle an expensive flash drive up your ass would you?"

GENERAL: "That's a damn good point Agent, damn good."
#15
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW
Hate being picky, but while all of these are lols-worthy, I was kinda hoping for something that would be funny for people outside of the pit.


OK fine I'll do another for you.

2. Int. I.S.S. (International Secret Service)

Agent Blue walks up to a man, late 40's, in a customized general's uniform. Agent Blue hands him a flash drive.

GENERAL: "This it?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes."

GENERAL: "You mean to tell me that it really isn't butter?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct."

GENERAL: "OK."

SECRETARY (O.S.): "General Zarkoff, Colonel O'Neill wishes to speak to you."

GENERAL Z: "Send him in."

Tall man walks in, mid 30's.

GENERAL Z: "Colonel, you know Agent Blue."

O'NEILL: "Yes, I believe we've met before."

GENERAL Z: "Good, good that should make things easier. Agent Blue?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes, sir?"

GENERAL Z: "Your next mission will be to secure...is it really not butter?"

They remain silent

GENERAL Z: "Aw screw it. Look, if it really isn't butter, then why does it taste like butter?"

O'NEILL: "That is my semen sample you twat."
Quote by Karvid
You win this thread. And UG. I haven't actually lol'd at a post in a really long time. Thanks for changing that. I expect a sig


He expected this.

Something you definitely need to know
#16
Quote by freedoms_stain
GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct, You wouldn't want to smuggle an expensive flash drive up your ass would you?"

GENERAL: "That's a damn good point Agent, damn good."

this
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#17
Quote by daniel.mycoe
OK fine I'll do another for you.
*revision*

this is another good one
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#18
2. Int. I.S.S. (International Secret Service)

Agent Blue walks up to a man, late 40's, in a customized general's uniform. Agent Blue hands him a flash drive.

GENERAL: "This it?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes."

GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive? *Insert Funny Line Here*"

AGENT BLUE: *Insert Joke Here*

GENERAL: "OK."

SECRETARY (O.S.): "General Zarkoff, Colonel O'Neill wishes to *Insert funny word here* you."

GENERAL Z: "Send him in."

Tall man walks in, mid 30's.

GENERAL Z: "Colonel, you know Agent Blue."

O'NEILL: *Witty Comment*

GENERAL Z: "Good, good that should make things easier (that's what she said). Agent Blue?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes, sir?"

GENERAL Z: "Your next mission will be to secure...(leafs through papers) to secure...uh...where'd I put it..."

The General is unable to find anything.

GENERAL Z: *Hilarious Last Line*


Hope this helps
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#19
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW
this is another good one


It isn't really though, I'm very tired, it's 1:40 AM and I just can't sleep.

Glad you like it though.
Quote by Karvid
You win this thread. And UG. I haven't actually lol'd at a post in a really long time. Thanks for changing that. I expect a sig


He expected this.

Something you definitely need to know
#21
Quote by freedoms_stain
GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct, You wouldn't want to smuggle an expensive flash drive up your ass would you?"

GENERAL: "That's a damn good point Agent, damn good."


Oh my fucking God you just made me choke on my pizza
#22
Quote by freedoms_stain
GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct, You wouldn't want to smuggle an expensive flash drive up your ass would you?"

GENERAL: "That's a damn good point Agent, damn good."


That seems publicly acceptable

And hilarious
#23
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW
this

Quote by St.Loony
Oh my fucking God you just made me choke on my pizza

Quote by Untitled001
That seems publicly acceptable

And hilarious
*bows*
#24
2. Int. I.P.S. (International Pimp Service)

Agent B-zizzle walks up ta uh nig, late 40 's, in uh customized general'suniform. Agent Blue hands him uh flash cruize.

GENERAL: "This shit it?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes."

GENERAL: "You mean ta tell me, dat da plans fo' da devastator missiles wuz in flash cruize? Plans worth billions, wuz kept in uh cheap 2 Gig flash cruize?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes dat'scorrect."

GENERAL: "OK."

SECRETARY (O.S.): "General Zarkoff, Colonel O'Neill wishes ta speak ta ya."

GENERAL Z: "Send him in."

Tall nig walks in, mid 30 's.

GENERAL Z: "Crazy ass motha****a, ya know Agent B-zizzle."

O'NEILL: "Yee, I be believin' we've smoked up rock crack 'bfoe."

GENERAL Z: "Good, pimp-tight dat should make things easier. Agent Blue?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes, sir?"

GENERAL Z: "Your next mission will be ta secure...(leafs through papers) ta secure...uh...where'd I put it..."

The General iz unable ta find anyfin'.

GENERAL Z: "Aw screw it. Look, somebody'sbuilding sumfin. We need ya ta retrieve it." and shit.
Quote by Deliriumbassist
marmite, vegemite, termite...

anything that ends with -mite is the work of Satan's retarded cousin Vinnie.
Last edited by GmacD at Oct 11, 2008,
#26
2. Int. I.S.S. (International Secret Service)

Agent Blue walks up to a man, late 40's, in a customized general's uniform. Agent Blue hands him a flash drive.

GENERAL: "This it?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes."

Union Jake enters holding a copy of The Prestige between his sweaty hands

EVERYONE: GTFO NOAW!

GENERAL: "Anyway as I was saying, You mean to tell me, that the plans for the devastator missiles were in flash drive? Plans worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct. I had to, it was an offer, I got a free pokemon card!" *flashes shiny Charizard at GENERAL's face*

GENERAL: "Agent! Put down that child's toy!"

AGENT BLUE: I challenge you to a battle noob!

Tall man walks in, mid 30's.

GENERAL Z: "Ah Colonel help me defeat this wise ass"

O'NEILL: "I brought my mother****ing Mudkipz yo!"

GENERAL Z: "Good, good that should make things easier. Agent Blue ready?"

AGENT BLUE: "Go!"

GENERAL Z: "Taste the full force of my Ekans" *whips out penis and begins flailing it wildly*

Penis hits agent blue in the eye

AGENT BLUE: "oh god my eye!!!"

It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!

GENERAL Z: "Colonel use Pound!"

*Colonel removes Agent Blue's pants*

Colonel: I'm on it!

Union Jake casually strolls in

UNION JAKE: oh hai guyz!!

END: FAIL
Last edited by imdeth at Oct 11, 2008,
#28
Quote by St.Loony
And while your down there...

*Unzips flies*
Only if I get some of that pizza.

And treeeeeeeeeeeeee fiddy!
#29
Quote by freedoms_stain
Only if I get some of that pizza.

And treeeeeeeeeeeeee fiddy!


What toppings would you like?

And what?
#30
Quote by St.Loony
What toppings would you like?


Extra sausage.

*hot porn scene ensues*
#31
Quote by InvaderTSN
Extra sausage.

*hot porn scene ensues*


Right away!

*Calls Reva*

... What? <_<
#32
General Z tackles Agent Blue then Agent Blue says "Get off me your a pain in the balls"
,___,
[O.o]
/)__)
-"--"-

,___,
[¬.¬]
/)__)
-"--"-



Quote by FishCream
Stop Performing Meathook Sodomy On Yourself
#33
TS, you should just re-enact this thread.

Sure you'd be doomed to social outcasting but you'll always have the Pit.
Last edited by Untitled001 at Oct 11, 2008,
#35
2. Int. I.S.S. (International Secret Service)

Agent Blue walks up to a man, late 40's, in a customized general's uniform. Agent Blue hands him a flash drive.

GENERAL: "This it?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes."

GENERAL: "You mean to tell me, that the "plans" for the "devastator missiles" were in flash drive? "Plans" worth billions, were kept in a cheap 2 Gig flash drive?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes that's correct."

GENERAL: "OK."

SECRETARY (O.S.): "General Zarkoff, Colonel O'Neill wishes to "speak" to you."

GENERAL Z: "Send him in."

Tall man walks in, mid 30's.

GENERAL Z: "Colonel, you know Agent Blue."

O'NEILL: "Yes, I believe we've "met" before."

GENERAL Z: "Good, good that should make things easier. Agent Blue?"

AGENT BLUE: "Yes, sir?"

GENERAL Z: "Your next mission will be to "secure"...(leafs through pants) to "secure"...uh...where'd I put it..."

The General is unable to find anything.

GENERAL Z: "Aw screw me. Look, my body's building something. We need you to "retrieve" it."