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#1
Me and my friends were bored, so we came up with random cheesy porn lines: Here are a few:

"Hi, I build houses, I'm here to lay down your bricks"

"Hey, I'm here as your pizza delivery guy and here's some extra thick sausage"

"Hey, I'm here to 'mow' your lawn"

"Yo, I'm the plumber and I'm here to fix your pipes"

"I play video games, and I have quite the joystick"

Any others?

inb4icumbloodwtfrusselandsearchbar
Quote by nintendocly
During practice once, my bass player was trying to act cool and headbang and I hit him in the face with sharp head of my washburn (accident maybe). Theres still a tiny bit of blood in my guitar, I think its kinda cool
#3
are you a parking ticket? causa you got fine written all over you

Quote by iantheman
I laughed at someone for breaking his g-string, and got sigged


Quote by Veil Of Osiris

You just made me spit out my Kool-Aid all over my keyboard.


sorry
#5
Wanna search for the bar in my pants?

?
Stage Rig

Fender Strat
Epi Les Paul
Taylor 110
Boss TU-2
Omega Amps Hot Rod Deluxe (Dumble mod)
Clean/Drive/More Drive footswitch
Mid boost/Preamp boost footswitch

myspace.com/rosscooperband
#6
"Hey, me and a few guys are having a bake sale, want to go fuck me?"
Quote by heavyairship
dying hurts

empty sig
#7
nice shoes wnna ****

EDIT: got to it before me guy above.... well done
Originally Posted by bchoun
Whenever I went to take a dump, I would sit on the toilet facing the tank. I always thought the tank was an arm rest so I would rest my arms on it.
#8
Hey nice shoes. Let's F***.

Also:

I like your pants. I'd like them even more on my bedroom floor.
Quote by fallenangel20
I found a tick on my balls once.

No lie. There was actually a tick (as in the small, blood sucking insect) on my balls.

It freaked me out bad.




#9
It would appear I'm going to blueball soon, care to help a nice guy out?


oh that is great!

"'Evil men have no songs.' How is it that the Russians have songs?"
#10
all the ones the ts put up are ones id expect from a five year old who just found out what sex was, and the rest are lines id expect from the pit
#14
"Oh nice shoes, wanna f--k?"

I install lawn sprinklers and we always say "Well, I lay pipe by day; and I lay pipe by night"
#15
I have a 10 doller, ten doller two footlong
Quote by Trefellin
Anyone with half a brain knows that Jesus is way more metal than Satan. Lucifer was the worlds very first emo.


Quote by glowinghamster4'

i just want to let you know that made my day.



Quote by Weaponized
Solid state master race
#16
Quote by wyantsm
"Oh nice shoes, wanna f--k?"

I install lawn sprinklers and we always say "Well, I lay pipe by day; and I lay pipe by night"

I like that one.


oh that is great!

"'Evil men have no songs.' How is it that the Russians have songs?"
#17
Quote by K!!LsWiTcH
all the ones the ts put up are ones id expect from a five year old who just found out what sex was, and the rest are lines id expect from the pit


Serious Guy
He's f***ing serious.
Quote by fallenangel20
I found a tick on my balls once.

No lie. There was actually a tick (as in the small, blood sucking insect) on my balls.

It freaked me out bad.




#18
Here's some more:

Your legs are like peanut butter, they're smooth and easy to spread.

Hi I play Pokemon, here's my squirtle.

Here's one we made up(scene):

Teacher: Hey, listen, you failed the chemistry test.
Student: I know, can I make it up after school?
Teacher: Sure, I'll surprise you.
Student: Thanks.

*after school*

Student: *walks in* Hello? Miss?
Teacher: Hello. Let me show you some biology and the reproductive system.*begins to unbutton shirt*
Student: Hmmmm, I like this extra credit

*massive *****

Quote by nintendocly
During practice once, my bass player was trying to act cool and headbang and I hit him in the face with sharp head of my washburn (accident maybe). Theres still a tiny bit of blood in my guitar, I think its kinda cool
#19
Are you an angel? Because you just gave me an erection.
Quote by hostilekid
shadesofanger, you're my hero.


Quote by GoldenBlues
So I was wondering, are black people capable feeling love? I mean can their brains comprehend that kind of emotion, or are they not programmed that way.
#20
I've actually used the "nice shoes" for an ice-breaker with orgasmic results


Who the fuck thought of that?
Quote by herby190
Every thread I've seen you in has been a complete success. Yay you!

Quote by theking182
i'm voting for GNiCk89. i just like how he speaks TO me, not AT me.

Quote by \m/Angus\m/
Yea, Sublime is a great band. You have an Underoath icon, so I think your opinion doesn't matter.
#22
Quote by Assface137
Here's one we made up(scene):

Teacher: Hey, listen, you failed the chemistry test.
Student: I know, can I make it up after school?
Teacher: Sure, I'll surprise you.
Student: Thanks.

*after school*

Student: *walks in* Hello? Miss?
Teacher: Hello. Let me show you some biology and the reproductive system.*begins to unbutton shirt*
Student: Hmmmm, I like this extra credit

*massive *****


Dude I had a dream where this happened to me. It was proebaly because I was failing wtf the plant class is called
Quote by Trefellin
Anyone with half a brain knows that Jesus is way more metal than Satan. Lucifer was the worlds very first emo.


Quote by glowinghamster4'

i just want to let you know that made my day.



Quote by Weaponized
Solid state master race
#24
Quote by lp345
'Does this smell like chloroform to you?'


Win.
Your opinion is just that, YOUR opinion. It doesn't make you right. It doesn't make you better. It doesn't make you god. Everyone has their own view and that view is neither right or wrong.

Ignorance destroys music.
#25
You: "Excuse me, but do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"

Girl: "No, how much?"

You: "Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm so-and-so."

Thank god for Nick Hogan, cheeky bastard.
Gear:
ESP Eclipse 300
Jackson RR3
Bugera 6262 head
Trace Elliot straight cab
Boss NS-2
Boss DD-3
#27
"Would you like to be the guitar to my Van Halen?"
Quote by SOADrox429
'Bring me the still-beating heart of a newborn child, and the world's rivers shall run red with the blood of the innocent.'

<\/> Fleshgod Apocalypse <\/>
#29
Hey, you have enormous tits. I would like to stick my floppy disk into your hard drive. You make my dick go DAMNNNNNNNNNN I love life. I suck penises, so I hope you have an extra dildo. We will **** with vigorous force and create enough friction to light our house aflame. If you died, that would be awesome, because I'd **** you day in and day out. I also heard you like cars. Vroom vroom all over your vagina **** yeah seaking sperm time KAPEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Then I realise...


I was ****ing Samuel Jackson. Oh shit he has snakes. Get in the van you ****ers.
Quote by nintendocly
During practice once, my bass player was trying to act cool and headbang and I hit him in the face with sharp head of my washburn (accident maybe). Theres still a tiny bit of blood in my guitar, I think its kinda cool
#30
I'm a guitarist, I finger A minor and break G strings alot so I gess you can say I have experence.
Quote by Trefellin
Anyone with half a brain knows that Jesus is way more metal than Satan. Lucifer was the worlds very first emo.


Quote by glowinghamster4'

i just want to let you know that made my day.



Quote by Weaponized
Solid state master race
#31
so far so good guys
Quote by nintendocly
During practice once, my bass player was trying to act cool and headbang and I hit him in the face with sharp head of my washburn (accident maybe). Theres still a tiny bit of blood in my guitar, I think its kinda cool
#33
'Are you wearing Star Wars underwear? Because your ass is out of this world'
#35
Are you Jamaican?

'Cause Jamaican me crazy!

Sorry if someone said it already, but that line was actually used on me...
Her friends are gazing on her,
And on her gaudy bier,
And weep!-oh! to dishonor
Dead beauty with a tear!
They loved her for her wealth-
And they hated her for her pride-
But she grew in feeble health,
And they love her-that she died.
#36
Quote by woMANintheBOX19
Are you Jamaican?

'Cause Jamaican me crazy!

Sorry if someone said it already, but that line was actually used on me...


Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant

*writes down on notepad*
#37
Quote by woMANintheBOX19
Are you Jamaican?

'Cause Jamaican me crazy!

Sorry if someone said it already, but that line was actually used on me...

did you slap the guy, or did you do him?
#39
Quote by Tubyboulin
did you slap the guy, or did you do him?

I just laughed in his face and walked away
Her friends are gazing on her,
And on her gaudy bier,
And weep!-oh! to dishonor
Dead beauty with a tear!
They loved her for her wealth-
And they hated her for her pride-
But she grew in feeble health,
And they love her-that she died.
#40
Quote by bite_the_bullet
You: "Excuse me, but do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"

Girl: "No, how much?"

You: "Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm so-and-so."

Thank god for Nick Hogan, cheeky bastard.


This one is pretty much the winner. In that it would actually work, and not result in a slap, public humiliation or both 90% of the time.
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