#1
Alright, finished up the song basically. I just need some crit on the lyrics. i adjusted a few parts from the first time around, added the 3rd verse so ya. Tell me what you think / ways i could make it better please. Ill c4C yours

The sun arise
Daylight fills the sky
all is calm
the planes begin to fly
across the line
all the men must march
to their gate
we will make our mark

The German guns
pointed to the sky
across the Rhine
Destruction we will find
The 101'st, to the edge of war
Market Garden will Bring us to their door

CHORUS:
Now we stand
United in war
Hells Highway
Will lead us to their door


The thunder roars
the world erupts in flames
the men move forth
to meet their bitter fate
snipers bullets
tear apart our ranks
fear takes hold
our generals betrayed

Up above
our guardian angels fall
shot from the sky
they will fly no more
all around
the wind is bitter and cold
but we fight on
straight through hells door

Chorus

*Guitar solo*

The smoke has cleared
The sky is clear again
The screaming guns
Fall silent once again
Wounded men
They cry out no more
Fallen heroes,
Whose names will never be known

In the mud
The fear starts letting go
The day was won
Signs of hope begin to show
But in this land
Where all the men must march
No coming back
Death has left its mark

There we stood
United by war
Hells highway
Led us to their door


If you want some back story, its about Operation Market Garden which took place in WWII. Its what Brothers in Arms: Hells highway was based on, if youve played it.
#2
very nice song man... it has lots of meaning to it and very indepth... very visual too and powerfull... i like it a lot man... just wondering though man like what kind of genre would this or is this song in?
#3
Well, im not really sure. Its kinda along the lines of Iron Maidens "The Longest Day" But not as long/doesnt involve as many changes. I guess it would count as Hard Rock.

Thank you, by the way!
#4
This seems like a really good piece. I put H.I.M. to it for some reason, but it's probably something else which I can't seems to get...good work.

Thanks for the crit on Comatose, by the way.
#5
Just for your information, this is my first time critiquing lyrics. My comments are bolded and the parts that I suggest you change are underlined. So anyways, here goes.

The sun arise (grammatically incorrect and rather awkward sounding. Try rises or arises?)
Daylight fills the sky ("fills" is a rather undescriptive word, and does the daylight only fill the sky?)

all is calm
the planes begin to fly
across the line
all the men must march
to their gate (Who's gate? The enemie's gate?)
we will make our mark

The German guns
pointed to the sky
across the Rhine
Destruction we will find
The 101'st, to the edge of war
Market Garden will Bring us to their door

CHORUS:
Now we stand (I like this chorus, although it could be a tad longer)
United in war
Hells Highway
Will lead us to their door


The thunder roars
the world erupts in flames
the men move forth (Again an undescriptive word. Try march or charge.)
to meet their bitter fate ("meeting" their bitter fate sounds rather pessimistic, like as if the soldiers are doomed to die. If that's the feeling you're trying to communicate then go for it, but otherwise I suggest you change it.)
snipers bullets

tear apart our ranks
fear takes hold (While "takes" is not a bad word, something like "grabs" or "seizes" is a lot more visual and powerful.)
our generals betrayed (A cool line, but it doens't quite make sense to me, at least not in this a context)

Up above
our guardian angels fall (I like this line and the following one)
shot from the sky
they will fly no more
all around
the wind is bitter and cold
but we fight on
straight through hells door (I think "to" instead of "through" would a better word. I say that because (I'm assuming) to breach past Hell's door is the goal but the soldiers have not quite reached it yet. "To" gives a feeling of being near to the goal, but not quite achieving it yet.)

Chorus

*Guitar solo*

The smoke has cleared
The sky is clear again
The screaming guns
Fall silent once again (I don't think writing "again" is necessary here, unless there was a battle before this one. It works for the sky, but that's because the sky is usually clear. )
Wounded men
They cry out no more (Because they are now dead?)
Fallen heroes,
Whose names will never be known (I like this line, it's rather tragic, someone giving up their life for their country yet almost no one would know who that person is)

In the mud
The fear starts letting go (Awkward word choice. Try "fading away"?)
The day was won
Signs of hope begin to show (Rather undescriptive. Almost dull.)
But in this land
Where all the men must march (All the men must march...Doesn't really give the reader any emotional feel. "Fight" or "die" would draw a better reaction. )
No coming back (Do you mean no coming back, as in no coming back to past battlefields, or no turning back, like no opportunity to step out?)

Death has left its mark (Rather minor detail, you can ignore this. Just that I think "made" would have a better impact)

There we stood (Like I said, increase the length of the chorus, or at least repeat it. Especially since this is the last chorus. Has to be EPIC!!!
United by war
Hells highway
Led us to their door
#6
^ Thank you for the critique. I will try to adress some of the dull stuff of the last verse when i revise, thank you for your suggestions!

For the "generals betrayed" Line, i ment it as the Generals kind of sent the soldiers there to die. In regards to "they cry out no more" yes, i meen because they are dead not a terribly happy piece

Thanks also to NFX
#7
Yeah, no problem. My pleasure really. If it is the generals betraying the soldiers, then you should write "soldiers betrayed". In a phrase where there isn't a targeted subject like the phrase mentioned previously, then the word (betrayed) would refer to the noun before it. If I'm sounding a bit unclear, then that's because I'm not too great at explaining things. But anyways, I hope you get what I mean.