Page 1 of 6
#1
What do you think of it?


Oh, girl. From the first time I seen you, I knew you was the one. I remember when I met you, my very first thought was, "This girl is perfection in female form. She is beautiful." Then, my second thought, upon seeing you walk away, was that your ass was good, too.

I knew, then, that I was completely and totally in love with you.

You pretty, pretty thing. If the world was a bucket and females was fried chicken, you would be the breast because you is the best piece that everyone wants. And you have nice breasts. Let me have you. I would eat you. But I would not peel off the skin like I usually do, because your skin is beautiful. And white. Like milk. If my bed was a bowl, and I was Cocoa Puffs, I would pour you all over me and we would sit for about twenty-five minutes until I melted into you and turned you brown and sweet and you turned me into mush. Because that's what you do. You turn me into mush. Everytime I look into your eyes. Your beautiful fried chicken eyes. We would sit in my bowl and melt into one another and become one. And then love would put us on his spoon and eat us both and we would live happily ever after in his stomach.

I can love you like no one else has ever loved you before. I'm respectful. Even though you are a woman, I will still listen to what you have to say when you talk a lot like women do. All of it. I'm intelligent. We will read books. I give good sex. I will sex you good. We will sex until you are tired, then we will wait until you are not tired and we will sex again until you are tired or your vagina hurts. Whichever one comes first (but rest assured, you will come before either of those). I know you like to paint. In bed, you will be my Jackson Pollock abstract painting. Though I may not understand what you're trying to express, I will still enjoy you. And sometimes I will hang you upside down.

So in occlusion, I just want to say that I'm is everything you've ever wanted. Do the smart thing and have sex with me and make yourself the happiest girl in the world.


EDIT:
I sent it to her and got a reply. See post #114.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
Last edited by BigFatSandwich at Oct 13, 2008,
#4
the comments about her breast/ass/other body parts should be left out.
they seem kinda tactless, especially in the way you stated them.

and correct your grammar
#7
Quote by BigFatSandwich
If my bed was a bowl, and I was Cocoa Puffs, I would pour you all over me and we would sit for about twenty-five minutes until I melted into you and turned you brown and sweet and you turned me into mush.





Analogies are good and all that, but sometimes, you gotta think about what you are saying...
#8
Quote by Cyanide176
Bits of it are slightly weird, but if it gets you laid, go for it

lol.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#9
Obviously a joke. "your fried chicken eyes" if this were real and you sent it me (assuming I was a girl of course) I'd kick your fried chicken ass right into KFC.
#10
I love it. You should sing to her like Barry White too.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#12
not a fan, but whatever floats your boat... or cocoa puff
Quote by the humanity
Captainjack666
the lord of sexyness...
#13
Yep, the best method of attraction is to act like a desperate wuss seeking approval.
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In The Angel's City

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#14
Quote by Cyanide176
Bits of it are slightly weird, but if it gets you laid, go for it

I'd be surprised if it did, just tell her you like her.
Sig space available, give me some praise
#15
Is she fat?
C4C
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#17
Quote by gallagher2006
Troll much..?

Haha I'm not trolling. I'm really going to send this to her.

The thing is, it's not serious. It's a joke. From me to her.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#18
Im sorry, I just found that letter really creepy.

No woman wants to be called a bucket of fried chicken..... thats practically telling her that shes greasy, (ie doesn't wash).
#19
Quote by BigFatSandwich


Do the smart thing and have sex with me and make yourself the happiest girl in the world.



lol
"Sticking Feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken"--Tyler Durden

Cufk, TisH, Sips
#20
Yea why would you need some weird ass letter ? just meet up, go for a drink or something, be normal!
#21
Quote by BigFatSandwich
Haha I'm not trolling. I'm really going to send this to her.

The thing is, it's not serious. It's a joke. From me to her.


Oh well you could've said it was a joke before I came across as a total ass if it's just a joke then send it
#22
Tell her you'll be the Nutella on her bread

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#23
ROFL......


send it to her!!!


BTW, def the funnies thing i've read on UG tonight

fried chicken????
I love all forms of Rock 'n' Roll, past and NOT present
#24
dont compare her to food
dont mention her ass in a love lesson
speak emotion in a easy i love you way
you'll get her
Pull my finger

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me:"...yes... why?"
"Do you want to have it?"
Me again:"...no Anthony..no i don't"
"Oh.. okay.. good night"

haha

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#25
Quote by imdeth
Oh well you could've said it was a joke before I came across as a total ass if it's just a joke then send it

Haha I honestly thought everyone would pick up on that.... but when people didn't, it just made it funnier.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#26
Troll IRL.

Very nice.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#27
Quote by Cyanide176
Yea why would you need some weird ass letter ? just meet up, go for a drink or something, be normal!

Quote by FuZzY(aus)
dont compare her to food
dont mention her ass in a love lesson
speak emotion in a easy i love you way
you'll get her



invest in one
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'79 Greco Les Paul Standard
Airline Stratotone Crafter GAE8

A bunch of funky pedals

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Last edited by druz15_UG at Oct 13, 2008,
#28
...I'm actually having second thoughts about sending this, now. I thought I made it fairly obvious that I wasn't serious. But if I send it to her and she takes it seriously, she'll either never talk to me again or want to have sex with me...... both of which would put me in a very awkward position.

OH WOE IS ME!
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#30
Would she seriously believe your love for her is like mushy coco-pops?

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#31
Oh my god. I can't believe there are stupid retards who think this is real.

TS, you are awesome. Anyone not being able to detect this joke is a wanker..
Sigs are overrated.
#32
Some of it just seems ****ed up, so is a lot of the grammar, and some of it's a bit sexist.

I seriously hope this is a joke
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#33
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Would she seriously believe your love for her is like mushy coco-pops?

See that sarcasm detector a few posts up? I don't know if she's ever had one.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#34
didnt read it but if you ask here what we think then you are doing it wrong
if you writed with your heart just send the ****ing letter without giving a **** about the results
if you didnt, burn it and do it again

im serious...
#35
Quote by siskoX
didnt read it but if you ask here what we think then you are doing it wrong
if you writed with your heart just send the ****ing letter without giving a **** about the results
if you didnt, burn it and do it again

im serious...

'08 Gretsch White Falcon
'98 Fender USA Deluxe Tele
'79 Greco Les Paul Standard
Airline Stratotone Crafter GAE8

A bunch of funky pedals

Handwired 50 Watt Plexi Lead Clone w/ Orange 4x12
#36
Quote by BigFatSandwich
See that sarcasm detector a few posts up? I don't know if she's ever had one.

That's a damn shame. It could be worth the risk, giving it to her (letter, that is).

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#38
Quote by BigFatSandwich
See that sarcasm detector a few posts up? I don't know if she's ever had one.

you have to remember that this is the pit.

there are people in here that would send something like that. that's why people weren't sure if you were joking or not.

if your friend knows you and your sense of humour you should be ok.
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#39
Quote by Zero-Hartman
That's a damn shame. It could be worth the risk, giving it to her (letter, that is).

Yeah, I know. Screw it. I'll send it.
Quote by Lemoninfluence
you have to remember that this is the pit.

there are people in here that would send something like that. that's why people weren't sure if you were joking or not.

if your friend knows you and your sense of humour you should be ok.

Hahaha good point. I'm gonna send it. I'll see what happens when she gets it tomorrow, I guess.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#40
Quote by BigFatSandwich
What do you think of it?


Oh, girl. From the first time I seen you, I knew you was the one. I remember when I met you, my very first thought was, "This girl is perfection in female form. She is beautiful." Then, my second thought, upon seeing you walk away, was that your ass was good, too.

I knew, then, that I was completely and totally in love with you.

You pretty, pretty thing. If the world was a bucket and females was fried chicken, you would be the breast because you is the best piece that everyone wants. And you have nice breasts. Let me have you. I would eat you. But I would not peel off the skin like I usually do, because your skin is beautiful. And white. Like milk. If my bed was a bowl, and I was Cocoa Puffs, I would pour you all over me and we would sit for about twenty-five minutes until I melted into you and turned you brown and sweet and you turned me into mush. Because that's what you do. You turn me into mush. Everytime I look into your eyes. Your beautiful fried chicken eyes. We would sit in my bowl and melt into one another and become one. And then love would put us on his spoon and eat us both and we would live happily ever after in his stomach.

I can love you like no one else has ever loved you before. I'm respectful. Even though you are a woman, I will still listen to what you have to say when you talk a lot like women do. All of it. I'm intelligent. We will read books. I give good sex. I will sex you good. We will sex until you are tired, then we will wait unti you are not tired and we will sex again until you are tired or your vagina hurts. Whichever one comes first (but rest assured, you will come before either of those). I know you like to paint. In bed, you will be my Jackson Pollock abstract painting. Though I may not understand what you're trying to express, I will still enjoy you. And sometimes I will hang you upside down.

So in occlusion, I just want to say that I'm is everything you've ever wanted. Do the smart thing and have sex with me and make yourself the happiest girl in the world.


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