#1
this is the first song i wrote on the piano. C4C please

I will find you
where the darkness falls
where you’ve fallen
where you’ve fallen too far
I will catch you
but your out of reach
your just too far
your too far for me

laughter turns to cries
you dance you will die
and your feet cant keep a beat
anymore
laughter turns to cries
you dance you will die
and your feet cant keep a beat
anymore

now everyday
when I fall asleep
I know I lost you
your lost in my dreams
I’d like to say
that I’m sorry
for letting you
fall away

I will find you
where the darkness falls
where you’ve fallen
where you’ve fallen too far
I will catch you
but your out of reach
your just too far
your too far for me

fire burns your eyes
its life you cannot find
and your heart cant keep a beat
anymore
fire burns your eyes
its life you cannot find
and your heart cant keep a beat
anymore

now everyday
when I fall asleep
I know I lost you
your lost in my dreams
I’d like to say
that I’m sorry
for letting you
fall away

I will find you
where the darkness falls
where you’ve fallen
where you’ve fallen too far
I will catch you
but your out of reach
your just too far
your too far for me

I will find you
where the darkness falls
where you’ve fallen
where you’ve fallen too far
#3
nice word choces. it made me feel sad, like i had lost something. what style of music is it supposed to be though?

crit mine?
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#4
You probably don't want to hear this, but in my opinion it's far too long.
It starts well, I like the 'feet keeping a beat' imagery, but it gets a bit bloated and self-indulgent toward the end.

I've never been a fan of dual-style imagery - black/white, boy/man, laughter/tears etc, so your heavy usage of 'laughter turns to cries' doesn't endear me too much.

Also, the 'eyes burn with fire' lyric has been used many times, and here it lacks the impact or original standpoint to make it stand out.

So overall, it's got potential. I think you just need to trim the fat off it, and tighten up your imagery a touch.

Regards,
StrayCatBlues
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#5
thanks for the crits. yeah i agree with that too. the whole fire burns your eyes but the whole meaning to it when i was writing it was losing someone and them going to hell. so i think it fits better when reffered to that. and really it is the piano peice i think that brings this song alive. but thanks for the crits