#1
i prefer to remain weightless.
(nameless?)
will you cut up the vegetables while i get lost in faces?
i mean, i mean...
(translations?)
the stories you tell,
i swear i've read them in other contracts.
(contexts?)
if i remember right...
yes if i remember right your name is alias?
(elias)
alias i have to tell you,
i have no idea what i'm saying.
#3
This was empty. Simply some word play and a feel good use of parenthesis. I took nothing from it, and found it overly tedious and uninteresting. The stylistic approach didn't carry enough weight to make me care or find this a neat step.

You're capable or writing something worth feeling... this was not it.

-zC
#4
im a little bit disappointed that you both think that this is empty, i wasn't really expecting that.
thanks for the crits, ill return them right away
#5
Don't worry about doing one of mine. I've got nothing up I want critiqued currently.

And, I just didn't find anything to latch onto... no sentiment or character that ran through the piece... it just seemed to get lost in its own stylistic opaqueness. I'm sure there is sentiment underneath... but it didn't shine through.