#1
Last night I felt like writing, so I started writing. I didn't have anything thought out beforehand, but it took shape after a little while. The story will be pretty ambiguous until the conclusion. It will seem a bit jumbled until then, so bare with me.

It will be about a guy in the 1800's who sees apparitions/ghostly figures. And sometimes they say stuff to him like "don't give up," and "you'll come out of this." While this is happening he's staying with his brother's family, and they really like him and always talk about him staying.

And there will be a few odd sentences that hint at the use of technology that doesn't exist yet, like "<guy> called his long time friend <guy> and they discussed the issue. <guy> leaned forward with interest written on his face as <guy> spoke."

So it almost sounds like he's on the phone, but he could have just called him over to his cabin. Or he could tell someone about a recent event and they'd ask, "where did you hear that?" and he'll just say "the news."

And so at the climax of the story he's wanting to leave his brother and family, and they're trying to get him to stay, and meanwhile the apparitions are appearing more frequently and speaking to him like he should leave. So finally he walks away, into the night and out of town and has a weird experience where he's flooded with light and begins to ascend.

Then he wakes up in a modern day hospital, surrounded by people he knows but weren't mentioned in the story until then, and they'll explain that he was in a coma for a couple of days after a car wreck or something. And then he'll ask "where's <brother>?" and they'll say "he died in the accident." So the conclusion will explain most of the stuff, if you think about it a little.

So would that make a good story? Is it lame? Does anyone else occasionally write short stories? I know there used to be a short story competition thread but I don't think it ended up being judged lol. Whoever started it stopped coming to UG or something.

TL;DR - Story would be about a guy in the 1800's who experiences strange things and then at the end of the story wakes up in a modern hospital and learns he was in a coma. Good or bad idea?
We're only strays.
#2
Potential, but it's not hugely original.
derp
lol u have faggot in ur username


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#4
Kinda sounds like that movie that's coming out about the guy who almost dies and then he talks to all the ghosts.
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
#5
I like the idea. Post it when your done.
When i get my new computer, I'm writing a couple of short-stories.

One is about a guy who works in a nice factory, well-paid, enjoys his job. He owes a few bob to a gangster who ownes the factory where the guy works. He has the money he owes the boss and wants to finally lose the debt so he settle down and propose to his girlfriend.
He befriends a new guy in town, looking for a job, and gets the guy a job at the factory, but soon gets into debt, and asks for alot of money from the gangster. Weeks later, the guy finds out that the Boss wants to severly harm the guys new friend, so he kills him. (The Boss, not his new friend)
(This is the bare bones of the storey, bare with me)
Only he finds out his new pal isn't an in-debt factory worker after all, but a SOCA Agent who's been trying to go undercover and arrest the gangster for a series of crimes.
...


Just an idea.
#6
It's been done before.

Write it your way, maybe it'll pan out. But the premis isn't new.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


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#7
Quote by Moggan13
I like the idea. Post it when your done.
When i get my new computer, I'm writing a couple of short-stories.

One is about a guy who works in a nice factory, well-paid, enjoys his job. He owes a few bob to a gangster who ownes the factory where the guy works. He has the money he owes the boss and wants to finally lose the debt so he settle down and propose to his girlfriend.
He befriends a new guy in town, looking for a job, and gets the guy a job at the factory, but soon gets into debt, and asks for alot of money from the gangster. Weeks later, the guy finds out that the Boss wants to severly harm the guys new friend, so he kills him. (The Boss, not his new friend)
(This is the bare bones of the storey, bare with me)
Only he finds out his new pal isn't an in-debt factory worker after all, but a SOCA Agent who's been trying to go undercover and arrest the gangster for a series of crimes.
...


Just an idea.


I like it, although I'm not so fond of downers lol. Definitely sounds like it could have some good dialogues. Would need a really good atmosphere, too.

And to MedicreDemon, I totally forgot about that. I think mine will be different enough, though.
We're only strays.
#8
It isnt a hugely original idea (I cant think of a film/book/story which has the exact same story, but there are others which are similar etc) but it could easily turn out good depending on how well you set the mood and also the tension in the chapters.
#9
Quote by Hakanku
It isnt a hugely original idea (I cant think of a film/book/story which has the exact same story, but there are others which are similar etc) but it could easily turn out good depending on how well you set the mood and also the tension in the chapters.


Well the story is probably not going to be so much the focus, but rather the dialogue and the mood.
We're only strays.
#10
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
Well the story is probably not going to be so much the focus, but rather the dialogue and the mood.


Like I said man, go for it, if you are a good writer then you can make it happen. Lets face it....are there ANY new/original ideas anymore? No in a nutshell.
#11
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
I like it, although I'm not so fond of downers lol. Definitely sounds like it could have some good dialogues. Would need a really good atmosphere, too.

And to MedicreDemon, I totally forgot about that. I think mine will be different enough, though.



Okie dokie. Just I don't know if the movie has a twist ending like yours does.
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
#12
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
I like it, although I'm not so fond of downers lol. Definitely sounds like it could have some good dialogues. Would need a really good atmosphere, too.

And to MedicreDemon, I totally forgot about that. I think mine will be different enough, though.


I was thinking that the guy saves his friend from having a good-shoeing from the boss, by accidently killing the boss with a brick to the back of the head. Then it goes ape-poo. Does the agent arrest the guy for manslaughter, or let him off somehow?

Decisions...
#14
i'm not encouraged by the fact that i knew what the plot was going to be after reading the first sentence of the overview, but you should practice writing anyway, so go for it.
#15
Quote by Glen'sHeroicAct
i'm not encouraged by the fact that i knew what the plot was going to be after reading the first sentence of the overview, but you should practice writing anyway, so go for it.


Does it start the same exact way as another story or something? I refuse to believe that you figured out the whole story at that point. Took a lucky guess, maybe.
We're only strays.
#16
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
Does it start the same exact way as another story or something? I refuse to believe that you figured out the whole story at that point. Took a lucky guess, maybe.

think about it: Ghosts visit him and say "don't give up" and "you'll come out of this" ? Most obvious thing in the world. If you want it to be less obvious, come up with some creative and interesting things for the ghosts to say that wouldn't be so obvious. Or even better, if you can come up with some ideas for things people might be saying to (or around) a person in a coma that could be steered in a completely different direction to mislead the reader into thinking there's some different plot line (like they're steering him on some crazy scavenger hunt or something), THEN you've got a good story. But otherwise it's just obvious.
#17
I smell potention. Go for it.
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..
HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


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Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#18
Will John Simm be in it?
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#19
Quote by Glen'sHeroicAct
think about it: Ghosts visit him and say "don't give up" and "you'll come out of this" ? Most obvious thing in the world. If you want it to be less obvious, come up with some creative and interesting things for the ghosts to say that wouldn't be so obvious. Or even better, if you can come up with some ideas for things people might be saying to (or around) a person in a coma that could be steered in a completely different direction to mislead the reader into thinking there's some different plot line (like they're steering him on some crazy scavenger hunt or something), THEN you've got a good story. But otherwise it's just obvious.


Yeah I guess, but I think I would just make the things they say more vague so they're not such a... giveaway.
We're only strays.
#20
thats award winning potential man! jk but it sounds alright
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#21
Quote by DCarney9116
thats award winning potential man! jk but it sounds alright


LOL thanks I guess!
We're only strays.