#1
My first lyric ever. Kinda Eleanor Rigby'ish. Chord progression in verses is C - G - Dm - C. Would love constructive criticism.

Mr. Blight.


Mr Blight turning the key
in the house where he's never been seen
driving home in,
a peculiar state
is this what has been,
decided by fate?


oh, Mr Blight
is always polite
never breaks any rules
oh, how poor old Mr Blight
drools..


Splitting his bed, pretending to be two.
He fools himself, to believe it's true
Yes, it is his only drug
His mind is lost,
the hole's been dug


oh, Mr Blight
is always polite
never breaks any rules
oh, how poor old Mr Blight
drools..

Solo

No one knows, what killed John Blight
Only that, there were no fight
Last edited by MortyKBG at Oct 14, 2008,
#2
Hmm there are some major grammar errors and a lot of the rhyme scheme is horrible but I think that you do have some potential with this.
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#3
Any criticism is good criticism.. But could you be so kind and elaborate?
When you say major grammar errors, do you mean the use of commas here and there? You shouldn't mind those.
Would appreciate some help with the rhyme scheme as well.

*EDIT* Did this help? Didn't actually change anything lyrically, but rearranged the text to make it a bit more "rhyme-clear".

Mr Blight
turning the key
in the house
where he's never been seen
driving home
in a peculiar state
is this what has been
decided by fate?

CHORUS
oh, Mr Blight is always polite
never breaks any rules
oh, how poor old Mr Blight
drools..


Splitting his bed
pretending to be two.
He fools himself,
to believe it's true
Yes, it is,
his only drug
His mind is lost,
the hole's been dug

CHORUS
oh, Mr Blight
is always polite
never breaks any rules
oh, how poor old Mr Blight
drools..

Solo

(Chorus again?)

No one knows
what killed John Blight
Only that,
there were no fight
Last edited by MortyKBG at Oct 15, 2008,