#1
Hey Guys So i'm really new to the world of writing lyrics so please look at these and tell me what you think... Its based around An Accident that happened to my girlfriend where she was in a very near death experience so tell me what you think, its a post hardcore based song so i hope you like.... Tell me what you think

Faint on sight
finding hard to breath
can't get it through my head
can't find the words to speak
all i can hear is the sound of her voice
I know she'll be back but this time
Fate had made her choice

I was fighting a battle
i could not win
blaming myself for the **** he had done
I was fighting a war inside of myself
Calling to say, all i need is help

So here i am
Struck by the fact
I can't find a reason why
is this world really in tact
All i can see
is the look in her eyes
I know she'll be back but
this could be goodbye

I was fighting a battle
i could not win
blaming myself for the **** he had done
I was fighting a war inside of myself
Calling to say, all i need is help

She wakes up to see
herself in a hospital bed
can't realize what happened
all she knows is she isn't dead
All i can feel
is the touch of her hand
now that this is over
Fate had let her stand

I was fighting a battle
i could not win
blaming myself for the **** he had done
I was fighting a war inside of myself
Calling to say, all i need is help

Chorus Fades

Hope you Guys Like it
I MADE UP THE SONG MASTER EXPLODER
Last edited by Lougheed16 at Dec 8, 2008,
#2
hey man, that sound great if not good, i'm also new to the world of songwriting/lyrics. keep up with the good work.
#3
Post hardcore are some hard lyrics to write. Or at least I think. But i love Post hardcore too much and i could see this being a really good song. I like the picture you paint throughout it. Good work
Last edited by Kikzi at Oct 14, 2008,
#4
Considering your new this is fantastic, I wasnt keen on the subject but the rythmn of this is spot on, keep up the good work!
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#5
haha Thanks alot guys Ill for sure try and put up some more songs, Glad you guys liked it
I MADE UP THE SONG MASTER EXPLODER
#7
thanks alot i'll look at it a little bit more and see what i can fix a little bit more
I MADE UP THE SONG MASTER EXPLODER
#8
Faint on sight
finding hard to breath
can't get it through my head
can't find the words to speak
all i can hear is the sound of her voice
I know she'll be back but this time
God had made her choice
I like how the atmosphere is set up here. Confusion is the first thing that pops in my head

I was fighting a battle
i could not win
blaming myself for the shit he had done
I was fighting a war inside of myself
Calling to say, all i need is help
Catchy Chorus, (I dont really see where it fits in, maybe a bit more emphasis?)

So here i am
Struck by the fact
I can't find a reason why
is this world really in tact
All i can see
is the look in her eyes
I know she'll be back but
this could be goodbye
The realisation that you might not see her again. the fact that this could be the end, of a relationship, of a friendship, of a life. I like the wording here

I was fighting a battle
i could not win
blaming myself for the shit he had done
I was fighting a war inside of myself
Calling to say, all i need is help

She wakes up to see
herself in a hospital bed
can't realize what happened
all she knows is she isn't dead
All i can feel
is the touch of her hand
now that this is over
God had let her stand
worded eolquently, I like the conclusion here, how she has no realisation of anything. but she knows that she's going to be arlight. changes the atmosphere from tragic to a nice ending.

I was fighting a battle
i could not win
blaming myself for the shit he had done
I was fighting a war inside of myself
Calling to say, all i need is help

All in all, I really like it. A few things could be reworded a bit, or better words used, but theyre minor and aren't a must. Like I said, I like it