#1
I'm entering it for a scholarship but I don't know what I should use as my best piece, so you guys should help me.




Forever Bound

When I fall into the Cosmos,
like a tiny speck.
You bring me back to Earth,
and show me what really matters
Your hand in mine
Together we'll transcend our bodies
and travel time.
In love
and
entwined.

Time has no boundaries
Love house none,
So they can last forever
Whereas...
Bodies, have a capacity
So when we leave this vessel
We're forever bound


This one, it's not really a favorite of mine but I like it because to me, it's simple.

Dead, logic overview
is all I get from you
sitting across the room

You just talked
not noticing me
not listening
or breathing.

Space is all I need
maybe a new girlfriend?
How about a new movie.
I'll figure it out next week
Hopefully get a new release.

Painting a new view
is all you'll ever do
if you need a new room

You just talked
not noticing me
not listening
or breathing.



From the skin scraped by the fall
To within, where nothing is better at all.

You can only be so lonely before you start to lose yourself.
You start to lose yourself after you lose everyone else.

and when you've got no place to go, no place at all
you can't look at life without seeing a fault

I want to live life, not sad
but the choices are so bad.

I feel like a stranger in the family I live
I feel like a stranger living in this skin


Only three days have gone,
but these days are long;
Over three hundred milles
marks the distance
mapped out forever
sketched of endless
This empty pillow
next to mine
Is a constant reminder,
of time, passing by
Tossing and turning
until you have my sheets,
yearning; to end the day
with just a taste,
A kiss, from your lips
and to transcend the space
Between our finger tips

You're better than everything else
everything else
Better than everyone, including myself
You're all I need
All I need...

...Is three drops of breath
to bring you to your knees
The hint of sweat
on your skin
softly stings
and brings you from gravity
Three nights on a beach
Where the water droplets
will trace your heart beat
Waves will crash
and illuminate the sky.
As we escape
on our fireflies

You're better than everything else
everything else
Better than better health
You're all I need
All I need...


It's bigger than you or me
You or me
You or me
You and me

No dictionary
could ever carry
The weight
of the words
That I translate
what I feel
for you
No word
could be as golden
To say how I feel
so I'll just steal
the landscape
and paint
on your heart.

My favorite ^

battle with the laughter
the splinter leaves a slit inside
marching with the rattle
closing up a paint in sigh

we'll fair
settling to the haunt
and taint your throat
of bristling gaunt


I have fallen in to an Abyss, all is dark and all is mist- there are no colors or no shapes, I guess I must climb my way back out.


I feel the Spirits;
The Portal Man,
Abandoning me
Once again.
Marked by
the dwindling Figures
I feel the hole
in my soul
getting bigger
and bigger
I sense Death,
in my skin
I sense nothing
once again
It's not a choice
only a fate
I thought I could
keep clean,
this shiny slate


When you're infinite
your mind
crosses a line
here and in between
nothing can't be seen
the past
the present
the future
time in between
blends and twists
time collides
but
they **** your mind
and cum on your thoughts
and you become a robot
and take away time
and leave you to rot

kill your momma
kill your daddy
I'm the beastman
understand me???
kill all relatives
friends and family

Yeah, the last part of that is from a John Frusciante song, but it's a little different, so I might not be able to put it in there, you know?

we

all

seek

alienation

alleviation

suffocation

its

just

a

matter

of

time

before

the

world

catches

up with us

and

takes

our

lives

then

one

day

we'll

feel

that's

when

we're

free

I love the one letter haiku thing I've got going on, but each poem can only be 20 lines, and this is like 30, so I might have to change the phrasing

I forgot something of younger days,
When there was nothing.
Clouds appeared lit,
and made me as cold
at how life could have been spent.
Carelessly wasting our day;
clouds take us away.
With no one

When you're a young man
There's a light hat surrounds you,
The world turns.
When You get back all of the things you've earned
there is nothing at all,
Carelessly wasting our days.
Why do you put us away?
no reply.

Where did it go wrong?
All that she thought was worth a fight,
is all that has become just a passing thought in spite
Don't let it go now
our lives could be much more than this.
We're going fine

dang 22 lines, maybe I can edit this ^

I think that's all I'll use, if this is against the "don't post more than one creation" thing then I'll delete it or whatever, but I don't know which poem to use as my entry piece and I think you guys could help me
And we will weave in and out of sanity unnoticed
Swirling in blissfully restless visions of all our bleary progress
Glowing in radiant madness
#5
Quote by carmel_l
*Moved*

Should be fine in here.


Merci

How are you Carmel?
And we will weave in and out of sanity unnoticed
Swirling in blissfully restless visions of all our bleary progress
Glowing in radiant madness
#6
*insertsomethingwittytohidethefactI'mbumping*
And we will weave in and out of sanity unnoticed
Swirling in blissfully restless visions of all our bleary progress
Glowing in radiant madness
Last edited by TDKshorty at Oct 15, 2008,
#7
For me it is between 'Forever Bound' and your favourite.

I like Forever Bound because it carries a lot of images and sentiment in very few words, not even mentioning some of things I felt were implied, so as far as technicality and what I get out of the piece, that wins.

However, I see why the other piece is your favourite. It's got a nice tone and overall feeling, however certain parts of it felt like they needed tweaking. Also it appears in a song format, not that that is a bad thing, just it felt more like a song than the first one did.

Sooo all in all, for me, I felt like the first, 'Forever Bound' from a poetic standpoint, was the best of the 2.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#8
Quote by The Hurt Within
For me it is between 'Forever Bound' and your favourite.

I like Forever Bound because it carries a lot of images and sentiment in very few words, not even mentioning some of things I felt were implied, so as far as technicality and what I get out of the piece, that wins.

However, I see why the other piece is your favourite. It's got a nice tone and overall feeling, however certain parts of it felt like they needed tweaking. Also it appears in a song format, not that that is a bad thing, just it felt more like a song than the first one did.

Sooo all in all, for me, I felt like the first, 'Forever Bound' from a poetic standpoint, was the best of the 2.

Thanks man I really like Forever Bound, it was the last piece I wrote, I think, I haven't wrote for a month or two and that scares me. That one I wrote is my favorite, and I wrote it thinking of a song, but it's only a favorite because I wrote it for my girlfriend.
I'm taking all these to my english teacher for advice once I go back from Fall Break, and I was writing them out, on paper, re-writing them, so they'd read better and I the more I started to write this one out the more I felt nervous about showing it, it's really personal and I do feel it needs work. I change it everytime I write it out
And we will weave in and out of sanity unnoticed
Swirling in blissfully restless visions of all our bleary progress
Glowing in radiant madness