#1
Enjoy.

From a very young age, we are taught that if we do good deeds, we will be rewarded by a higher power, and if we do bad deeds, we will be passive-aggressively punished by that same higher power.

Santa Claus.

He is the earliest form of a god that I can remember. When I found out that his conditional love was nothing more than a cruel hoax, I was heart broken. This being, this entity that I would spend 364 days a year attempting to please was nothing more than a scam that my parents played on me to get me to behave. But, I behaved. It worked, the manipulation worked just as planned.
What if there were a being that we had just as much physical proof of. He has a big white beard and lives far above us, just like Santa Claus. The only difference is that adults don’t outgrow the belief that this being is everywhere, and looks down on them in judgment with an all encompassing eye. You have to behave according to his rules all 365 days a year. And, quite frankly, his rules are quite outdated. Sounds ridiculous if I do say so myself.

God.

God is nothing more than a glorified Santa Claus that won’t bring you a Gameboy. All of the gifts that he provides for you, if you follow him, are ones that he also provides for those who don’t follow him. According to his rules, you don’t have to follow his rules. You can just tell him on your death bed that you are sorry for killing that hooker and selling your first born son for meth money. Just as long as you aren’t queer. Or a Jew, whom were the first to hear the rules, but obviously the Christians get sloppy seconds and a one way ticket to the eternal “act like my religious advisor didn’t just violate a young boy” show.

The Rules.

ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me.' 



But we can have one after you? So I could praise Allah on Monday, but not Saturday?

TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.' 



That means we can’t carve a sculpture of the following:
Jesus, god, angels, clouds, earthworms, tree roots, a basement, a water well, a whale, a shark, a fish, half of New Orleans, or Titanic.

THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.' 



Goddamnit. Why not?


FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.' 



No offense, but I’ve got bills to pay. So unless you are writing my paycheck, I’m going to work on Sunday.

FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.' 



Even if they ruined your childhood and blamed you for their divorce.

SIX: 'You shall not murder.' 



I suppose the crusades were an exception?

SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.' 



That is up to me, my wife, my seven female lovers, and their husbands.

EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.' 


Once again, I am to assume that the thousands of priceless artifacts that taken in the crusades are an exception?

NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.' 



“You shall not Bear Force One against your neighbor.” Fixed.

TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.'

If my neighbor has a hot wife, a sweet donkey, a badass ox, a little Puerto Rican set of twins as his sex slaves, and a badass manger, then I am going to covet the shit out of his stuff, and wonder why you didn’t bless with nice things.

Conclusion.

Wait… what? There is nothing against being a gay. And as long as you don’t cheat on your wife, you can beat her senseless and then sell her into slavery… SLAVERY?! According to these rules we are allowed to treat another human being as a work horse. Awesome…
Don't try engaging me
The vaguest of shrugs
The prescription drugs
You'll never find
A person inside

Quote by saphrax
I agree with This End Up
#2
That looked really funny. I'll read it later.
Quote by Survivalism
The Dual Rectifier is my sexy finishing move.


Quote by Survivalism
Nobody knows the words to Evenflow, they all just go "bramamamamamamamamaamamamabooowwllofcornflakes"
#3
I can't read.
wen i ask they say that they fall into the habit smhw ........but nyways i think there is a connection smwhere. Now i being a teetollar will not give into this habit nyhw

FOR JUST £2 A WEEK, YOU CAN PREVENT THIS.
#4
Well Done?
Hull City A.F.C

Quote by Thrashtastic15
crunkym toy diuckl;ess ass ****igkjn ****** **** bitch ass pussy ****er douchecanoe ****** **** you s omn cnt you lieet le biutch
#5
My Eyeeesssss
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
#7
Lol. Glorified Santa Claus.

Coca-Cola invented God.
Need fashion advice?

Quote by PaperStSoapCo
I wish I had a dick like a black guy instead of my little white dick.

Quote by JoelTheShredder
i love you more than words can express jean.


I saw Rick Astley in Quebec City, on April 10th 2009. Best day of my life!
#9
If this is for a school report, you'll probably get a low grade because of how it's presented. It's not very original, but it is enjoyable.
#10
*reported*

take it to the religion thread, you can do the same thing in one post there as you can by making this thread.
#11
Wow nice wall you got there!
Military use of children?

Infantry.
#13
Eh...its alright.
Quote by Grundy0
Never forget what really matters in life, friends and family.
Team Pale Yellow?
------m-------m------
| | (oo) | |
||(~)||



Mom <3
#14
anti-religon's got boring now, iver read allt eh arguements over and over again.
it amuses me people who think theyre intelligent and radical, hen in fact it seems like theyre jumped ona bandwagon...

basically, heard it all before. not interested.
(no, im not christian)
My red is so confident that he flashes trophies of war and
ribbons of euphoria
#15
Stop posting your mediocre school works/questions. No one gives a shit.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#16
Wait, you like went from one thing to like, 15 different things?

A lot of those things didn't even make sense.

I liked the Santa part though.
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
Follow me on Twitter
#18
your sad attempts at proving Christianity wrong without understanding The Bible at all amuse me. If you are going to criticize it, at least first understand what you are criticizing. Not just your first glance impression of what it means.

#20
Quote by SaintsofNowhere
your sad attempts at proving Christianity wrong without understanding The Bible at all amuse me. If you are going to criticize it, at least first understand what you are criticizing. Not just your first glance impression of what it means.


haha
#21
Adultery is up to the parents? What about the children? What if they don't want multiple moms or dads? Isn't it better to commit adultery when you're NOT married?

Will somebody please think fo the children?
Last edited by metaldud536 at Oct 15, 2008,
#22
Terrible. Just terrible. The first part gave me a small pity chuckle and then it spiralled into a new low of attempted humour.
#24
to TS: who cares? people beleive what they choose to beleive. what gives you the right to tell people what to beleive?
Quote by TinPants
ramen is the greatest achievement of mankind since pornographic photography.
#25
Ehh I'm pretty sure the Crusades weren't "Gods" Idea.
Quote by Sloopy
I'm not in a wheelchair, but I own one just for fun.
#28
i love you. u just stuck it to one of the things i hate most in this world.

religion.

but that's my view.

also i'm going to refer to this in the future if i need proof that santa is awesome




Quote by Glen'sHeroicAct
*reported*

take it to the religion thread, you can do the same thing in one post there as you can by making this thread.


spoil sport? probably not...
Stand up and cheer if you like SimCity

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up
THE WiLDHEARTS

Quote by goest
I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."
#29
Quote by This End Up
THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.' 



Goddamnit. Why not?

. . . .

SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.' 



That is up to me, my wife, my seven female lovers, and their husbands.





I loled, most of it was funny
Quote by xander307
that wasnt scary daryldom, it turned me on


Proud Canadian Eh?
#30
theism of any kind is outdated, dangerous, and mind-enslaving. If you can't be honest with yourself then why should anyone else trust you.
#31
I found it entertaining.
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#32
Quote by SlipknotRule93
i love you. u just stuck it to one of the things i hate most in this world.
religion.


I had the exact same reaction


--------------------
-------------------
------------------
-----------------
----------------
---------------


#33
Quote by fr33t0m
theism of any kind is outdated, dangerous, and mind-enslaving. If you can't be honest with yourself then why should anyone else trust you.

So are you actually saying that theists are lying to themselves?!?
Theism is not outdated, people's lives are just moveing so quickly that they don't feel they have time for religion. Which is fair enough if that's their thing. It's only dangerous when misinterpreted. Religion in itself is not dangerous at all. And it is definitely not mind enslaving. All of your arguments are about fundamentalists, who completely misinterpret the texts and ruin it for everyone. Thanks for reading btw, (if you actually did...)
Bristol Rovers

Up the Gas!




Please, call me Joe.
#34
Quote by noxiosimitator
I had the exact same reaction


high five!
Stand up and cheer if you like SimCity

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up
THE WiLDHEARTS

Quote by goest
I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."
#36
Quote by SlipknotRule93
high five!


*takes hand true hair*

got you there pall sah serious now
*high fives*


--------------------
-------------------
------------------
-----------------
----------------
---------------