#1
Hello all! I am a lyricist/rythym guitarist for may band, and while my good lyrics go striaght to my band, I have some rejects that I'd like to improve. This is one of them. Any advice is appriciated, but especially specific advice on how to improve this one particular song. Thanks.


Welcome to My Hell

Verse:
I, I finally feel free
I’ve erased all your memories from me
I’ve opened my eyes and can finally see
That, everything went wrong
The road seemed so long
I know now that I didn’t belong
With you, but at the time it seemed right
But looking in hindsight
I’m surprised it ended with a bloodless fight

Chorus:
Welcome to my Hell
Now it’s your turn to stay
And watch it drain your life away
I just checked out, can’t you tell
Welcome to my Hell, Welcome to my Hell, Welcome to my Hell

Verse:
I, I’m filled up with hate
You used me as bait
And somehow I just can’t relate
To you, and everything you did
You placed the highest bid
Only to try and get rid
Of me, because you got bored
You’re a double-edged sword
I’m not gonna play like you’re my Lord

Chorus:
Welcome to my Hell
Now it’s your turn to stay
And watch it drain your life away
I just checked out, can’t you tell
Welcome to my Hell, Welcome to my Hell, Welcome to my Hell


Chorus:
Welcome to my Hell
Now it’s your turn to stay
And watch it drain your life away
I just checked out, can’t you tell
Welcome to my Hell, Welcome to my Hell, Welcome to my Hell
Slipknot Fan.

Thanks, but I'm not God. If I were God, 3/4 of you would be girls, and the rest would be pizza and beer. –Axl Rose