#1
the first two written by me, the last is written by my drummer (band is silverwing check us out, http://www.myspace.com/silverwing123)
we are basically thrash/groove metal, so think metallica/sepultura/pantera/megadeth etc.
anyway, tell us what you think

Fill the void
Lose the pain
Kill the drive
Wash away
Trust is gone
Sorrow hear
Waiting for
Won at last

SilverWing
Needs to Fly
Politics
Needs to Die
No one here
To save us all
Leaders gone
We all shall fall

Life’s Despair
Just not fair
Fullest doubt
Must get out
Forever there
Forever gone
Always on
Life’s despair
Quote by progbass
right Metallica is a given. Personally I like to pretend the bus exploded and killed them all in '86.

GUITAR PEDALS FOR SALE
#2
Quote by acdclandon
the first two written by me, the last is written by my drummer (band is silverwing check us out, http://www.myspace.com/silverwing123)
we are basically thrash/groove metal, so think metallica/sepultura/pantera/megadeth etc.
anyway, tell us what you think

Fill the void
Lose the pain
Kill the drive
Wash away
Trust is gone
Sorrow hear
Waiting for
Won at last

Kinda reminds me of Death's Bite The pain on the second line, kill the drive sounds like someone's got a sex drive a bit too high other than that, it sounds like...just word play really.

SilverWing
Needs to Fly
Politics
Needs to Die
No one here
To save us all
Leaders gone
We all shall fall

I like this one, its very clear and to the point. Very anarchist, its definetely very Megadeth type lyrics with a slight apocalyptic twist.

Life’s Despair
Just not fair
Fullest doubt
Must get out
Forever there
Forever gone
Always on
Life’s despair

Suicide rang in my head as soon as I read this. Bad relationships, loneliness, drug addictions, etc. also rang in my head. Very emo though



My critique, if you will please critique mine.
#3
Quote by Eric 666
My critique, if you will please critique mine.


thank you very much, yeah the first one was done pretty weirdly, i'll probably play with it
the second one i came up with in the shower lol
i just like was rhyming stuff, so i just got out and quickly wrote it down
and do you like the third one or not?
thanks so much, i will go critique your's right away
Quote by progbass
right Metallica is a given. Personally I like to pretend the bus exploded and killed them all in '86.

GUITAR PEDALS FOR SALE
#4
Quote by acdclandon
thank you very much, yeah the first one was done pretty weirdly, i'll probably play with it
the second one i came up with in the shower lol
i just like was rhyming stuff, so i just got out and quickly wrote it down
and do you like the third one or not?
thanks so much, i will go critique your's right away


I do like the third one yes, the message is quite clear, the usage of words is pretty precise, keep it up man.

EDIT: here's the link

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=979354
Last edited by Eric 666 at Oct 15, 2008,
#5
Quote by Eric 666
I do like the third one yes, the message is quite clear, the usage of words is pretty precise, keep it up man.

EDIT: here's the link

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=979354


already found it
thanks man i will
i'm putting some riffs up together with them as we speak
Quote by progbass
right Metallica is a given. Personally I like to pretend the bus exploded and killed them all in '86.

GUITAR PEDALS FOR SALE
#6
i am confused by this...is it meant to be read as one piece? are they each their own thing? it comes off as cluttered if it is just one piece and if they are each their own song, they are all short and could use a lot of development and expansion.

you use the wrong form of "here/hear" and the "politics / needs to die" would sound better as "politics / need to die"

as for the topics of each stanza/song, they are a little in the cliche range. change that up by giving details and fleshing out why you feel the way you do. vagueness is not always a good thing.
#7
Quote by uhh_me?
i am confused by this...is it meant to be read as one piece? are they each their own thing? it comes off as cluttered if it is just one piece and if they are each their own song, they are all short and could use a lot of development and expansion.

you use the wrong form of "here/hear" and the "politics / needs to die" would sound better as "politics / need to die"

as for the topics of each stanza/song, they are a little in the cliche range. change that up by giving details and fleshing out why you feel the way you do. vagueness is not always a good thing.


thanks for replying
yeah they are just 3 different ideas that this point, seperated out too
yeah that was i typo tehe
yeah i understand that, i'm going to try to work on them
the problem i find is that if you get too specific it just sounds weird
but vague like you said is not really a desire here either
thanks for the help
Quote by progbass
right Metallica is a given. Personally I like to pretend the bus exploded and killed them all in '86.

GUITAR PEDALS FOR SALE
#8
bump
also edited the last one
it is now:
life's despair
forever there
always on
forever gone
fullest doubt
must get out
just not fair
life's despair

better/worse?
let me know what you think
thanks
Quote by progbass
right Metallica is a given. Personally I like to pretend the bus exploded and killed them all in '86.

GUITAR PEDALS FOR SALE