#1
My friend asked me to write a song about Christmas. I got a bit off track, but this is what I came up with. There are some ideas in it that I would like to elaborate on. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Crit4Crit as always.

December 23rd

VERSE1
2 a.m. on the twenty third
the house lights up on the drunken the herd
as they stagger toward unwelcomed exits

holding hands and grabbing ass
ignoring smears on makeup masks
if you can't find love you can always fake it

a burst of noise, a broken bottle
testosterone is on full throttle
talking fists are walking in the street

and as i walk along the road
a drop of blood on the fresh snow
tells me that it's time that i leave the concrete

CHORUS
i'm going home
to a house that i don't know
it's not my own
it belongs to a family
living in my memory
buried somewhere that no map could ever show

VERSE2
3 a.m. i trade my token
to a man who's clearly broken
put out my cigarette and board my ashes on the train

i ride the rails i do not know
built some hundred years ago
straight and narrow so you can't look back upon your pain

the crowd is praying to their ipods
but i hope that my god
is somewhere at the bottom of this flask

and my image in the window
has lost all of its will to glow
not only because of the dimming glass

CHORUS
i'm going home
to a house that i don't know
it's not my own
it belongs to a family
living in my memory
buried somewhere that no map could ever show

OUTRO
i am faded
i am jaded
i have walked too many lines
apologized too many times
to remain an actor

and with abacus and paper
i find that i'm the one remainder
the solemn factor

to the muck and the mire
that has doused the former fire
and left only a shell of a man
#3
I like it! You definitely have a gift with words and imagery - 'talking fists walking' and 'praying to their ipods'. I had a look also through some of the earlier songs and i wonder if you are writing song lyrics or poetry? This one however has i think a good song lyric structure.

I was a little puzzled however with the title. You mention it was meant to be a song about Christmas though you missed that by 2 days (you did also mention you got a little off track)! On the other hand there is nothing really in the body of the lyrics that immediately catches the eye as an alternative title.

Lastly, but here its more a personal thing, while i do like your style the lyrics in general lack any hope or uplifting quality for more main stream commercial use. You dont say where you are from though to be honest i recognize in the lyrics Main Sreet, Anytown, UK but then any night of the year after 10pm not just 2 days before the festive season!!!

Anyway good luck with your writing!
Al