#1
This is a song I started working on yesterday and finished today, it's comprised of a few different riffs but its at a very very rough stage right now. Perhaps you all could help me out,

The file will be attached below here is what I am having trouble with,
1. A better bass part, it seems kinda... floppy..
2. A better drum part, the drums right now are straight out of Smoke on The Water, which fit, but I am looking for something more original.
3. A better bridge/chorus, it just sounds off to me and I think it could be much better
4. Lyrics, I haven't decided what the song is going to be about, but if any of you have a topic that you think will fit well with the instruments please do tell.

So, comment, critique and help out if you can, and as always, you comment, I'll comment.
Attachments:
Untitled.zip
#3
I think you should spend some more time on this I think it sounds very... mhm simple? I'll try to give you some tipps

First of all, i think, you need completely new drums...
IMO espacially the fill-ins are worse, the drums in the verse are okay.
Try it without drums in the intro, just a heavy fill in leading into the bridge part before the verse...
btw, i think this part don't really fit in there, but dont really know why

The intro sounds cool, but to use the intro as bass part is ähm strange i think
but okay if you're looking for some kind of happy music...
i dont really know what you're looking for, but may the bass
should play just the root notes of the riffs.

The bridge or chours part you mentioned is more an interlude i think,
as a chorus you would need some more...
dont know, try it with the chords you use for your riffs, may it works,
but i think this depends on the kind of music you're writing

About the lyrics i cannot say much,
because this is defenitley not the kind of music i'm writing, singing or playing^^,
but i think if you find a good melody,
you can write about anything you want

hope my english is not to bad but it's late now^^
#4
Ok, I've taken your advice and rewritten the bass line so it follows the chords, hopefully it will flow better. I've added a chorus section and removed the drums and bridge because I was dissatisfied with it, tell me what you think, and as always, help is appreciated
Attachments:
Random Song Outline.zip