#1
crit for crit, nice simple song for ya

recording is here: http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/damn-right%21/music/all/play439881 written and recorded in 3 hours haha



Verse 1
Well save me a seat at the bar my dear,
give me somewhere to rest this old mind.
Give me hope for the future and hope of a drink
and a chance for my mind to unwind.
Give me music and laughter and a chance so that after,
I've got a few memories to hide
and I'll keep them forever, precious together,
stored safely deep down inside.

Chorus
Well I'm not after fame or fortune
or even for things that aint mine,
I dont want recognition or respect undeserved,
I dont want to overstep the line,
I'd just like a good life

Verse 2
Some people got maps of their futures laid out,
some people they got their desires.
Some people are angels and saints in the making
and some people are nothing but liars.
Theres many a person out looking for a fight
and some just fighting to be free.
I ask for nothing more than a few jukebox songs
and maybe the occasional whisky...

Chorus
Well I'm not after fame or fortune
or even for things that aint mine,
I dont want recognition or respect undeserved
I dont want to overstep the line
I'd just like a good life
I just want a good life
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
Last edited by damn-right! at Oct 17, 2008,
#2
Going to base this off the recording as well.

"I dont want recognition or respect undeserved
I dont want to overstep the line"
Something in there, when sung, sounds off. You miss a syllable, have one too many, don't stretch/shrink the rhythm of it too much. Something.

On paper the flow looked a little amateur, but that was quickly remedied when I listened to it. I liked the way you had it moving. (Except the above of course.)

The two "mind"s in the intro kind of bugged me.

Content wise, well, we've seen it before.

It was a cute listen.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#3
Quote by damn-right!
crit for crit, nice simple song for ya

recording is here: http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/damn-right%21/music/all/play439881 written and recorded in 3 hours haha



Verse 1
Well save me a seat at the bar my dear,
give me somewhere to rest this old mind.
Give me hope for the future and hope of a drink
and a chance for my mind to unwind. Either get rid of the first mind or the second one. Notm particularly interesting or clever
Give me music and laughter and a chance so that after,
I've got a few memories to hide
and I'll keep them forever, precious together,
stored safely deep down inside. This is so much better than the first half. I also prefer this part in the recording as well. Flows better

Chorus
Well I'm not after fame or fortune
or even for things that aint mine,
I dont want recognition or respect undeserved,
I dont want to overstep the line,
I'd just like a good life Good chorus, nice feeling, great flow, sums everything up nicely

Verse 2
Some people got maps of their futures laid out,
some people they got their desires.
Some people are angels and saints in the making
and some people are nothing but liars.
Theres many a person out looking for a fight
and some just fighting to be free.
I ask for nothing more than a few jukebox songs
and maybe the occasional whisky... This verse is even better than the first one. The rhyming sounds really natural and the whole song is just really enjoyable.

Chorus
Well I'm not after fame or fortune
or even for things that aint mine,
I dont want recognition or respect undeserved
I dont want to overstep the line
I'd just like a good life
I just want a good life


I've got no big complaints about ths one. it is waht it is and what it is is a light-hearted, good-natured song that makes you smile. And that is what you have acheived beautifully with this. Well done. love the recording too, be great if you could get some professional stuff laid down.
#4
Quote by kdownes
I've got no big complaints about ths one. it is waht it is and what it is is a light-hearted, good-natured song that makes you smile. And that is what you have acheived beautifully with this. Well done. love the recording too, be great if you could get some professional stuff laid down.


You've no idea how much I'd love to get into a studio and see what some of my stuff sounds like, its quite fun home recording but my equipment is minimal and my sound engineering somewhat lacking haha

thanks for the comments

There are some parts to this that I completely missed last night that are really bugging me, mind/mind I didnt even notice I'd done that and I'm also growing more and more uncomfortable with the "overstep the line"
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk