#1
Abrupt
As I was brought up
To the beat of four and four
Blues that lament, articulate
Drowned shot by drop by pour

Cross the line into addiction
And to rub it in my face
I've forgotten my conviction
Too much trouble keeping pace

Bubbles
Flutter, drifting as
We stand by for a ride
Synchronized feet and fingers
I guess my voice just must abide

Certain as my brain
Will board its' pogo-stick again
So too, am I doomed
To rum for ink inside my pen

At last
I set the cab ablaze
My mind makes a new jump
Our front porch kiss is Kodak!
Or would be if we weren't drunk
#2
very clever. I really enjoyed reading that. It was pretty short which i thought suited the piece perfectly. the only thing was that it all flowed really well until you got to the pogo-stick line. It's like there's one too many syllables in it or something. other than that it was great.
#3
Haha, well done sir, very enjoyable. I have one major complaint though. Don't start each line with a capital. it really is uneccesary. Its one of those things that everyone seems to think, like a piece has to rhyme. You can have no capitals and no rhyming in a piece and it'll still be poetry or a song or whatever. This flows really nicely and the rhyming is very well done, but fix up the capitals. The end made it for me.
#4
The first thing that grabbed my attention was the last line in the first stanza. It really just flowed amazingly to me due to its inner inner rhyming.
And like the other people have been saying the pogo-stick line probably has too many syllables. But the rest of the song has a great flow to it and I really like the last section.
Good job overall.
#5
Quote by kdownes
You can have no capitals and no rhyming in a piece and it'll still be poetry


Fortunately mine has plenty of both.

Thanks for reading!