#1
Commercializing ignorance
through the sale of your God
Corrupting the sacred
hiding behind the martyr

You claim to preach truth
yet you can't read between the lines
of the philosophy behind the text
and popular world of lies

(Chorus)

Raping the sacrity
for your own selfish ways
Someday I will laugh when
your lies hit your face

(Lead: The sacred text by E.T.P)

Mental de-evolution
Is really what you preach
holding back a society
with the terror that you speak

Speak well or burn
That's what the texts say
But I say fuck the texts
and lead your own way

(Chorus)

Raping the sacrity
for your own selfish ways
Someday I will laugh when
your lies hit your face


Enjoy ladies and gentlemen. Crit4Crit?
#2
I really don't like the "chorus" it just sounds wrong. Other than that. It's an interesting topic with some nice lines in. It's written in a style I never write anything in which makes it quite hard for me to give you a proper crit but it's pretty good. Except as I said the chorus which I didn't like at all.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#3
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
I really don't like the "chorus" it just sounds wrong. Other than that. It's an interesting topic with some nice lines in. It's written in a style I never write anything in which makes it quite hard for me to give you a proper crit but it's pretty good. Except as I said the chorus which I didn't like at all.


Like the actual chorus lines or just the word "Chorus" itself?
#4
Quote by Eric 666
Like the actual chorus lines or just the word "Chorus" itself?



The lines involving raping. I feel it is just an "easy" excuse for a more suited word. I surely get what you mean and what feeling you wanna have but I don't like that word as it feels quite cheap to use in that context.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#5
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
The lines involving raping. I feel it is just an "easy" excuse for a more suited word. I surely get what you mean and what feeling you wanna have but I don't like that word as it feels quite cheap to use in that context.


Ahh, ok thank you, I just wasn't really in the thought provoking mood, do you have a piece I could crit?
#7
Commercializing ignorance
through the sale of your God
Corrupting the sacred
hiding behind the martyr

You claim to preach truth
yet you can't read between the lines
of the philosophy behind the text
and popular world of lies

this definately gets the point of the song across well. The only problem I have with this, is that in the first four lines, you don't really rhyme it like the rest of the song. You've got an A-B-C-B pattern in the rest of the song. (Don't know if that's actually a pattern, but you get the idea. )
(Chorus)

Raping the sacrity
for your own selfish ways
Someday I will laugh when
your lies hit your face

I doont really like the first line. It doesn't seem right. The other three lines are great. I think you should rethink the first line. But that's just my opinion.
(Lead: The sacred text by E.T.P)

Mental de-evolution
Is really what you preach
holding back a society
with the terror that you speak

Speak well or burn
That's what the texts say
But I say fuck the texts
and lead your own way

Nice! don't change anything about this. It's perfect.
(Chorus)

Raping the sacrity
for your own selfish ways
Someday I will laugh when
your lies hit your face


Enjoy ladies and gentlemen. Crit4Crit?

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Overall, I liked it. The only thing I had a real problem with was the chorus.