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#1
Make sure you're sitting down before you read this.


My girlfriend just found out the other day for the first time that not only do I masturbate, but so does basically everyone, and a high school age guy like my self is doing it one or twice a day, unless it's a really bad day.

That freaks her out a lot...so now apparently I am "disgusting" and a "pig" and she's "ashamed" that I masturbate.

so...I am not allowed to masturbate because it hurts her feelings and she thinks that it means that I'm not as evolved as people who do not masturbate.
Basically, she doesn't understand as many times as I explain it that sex and masturbation are totally different and are done for different reasons.

Sure, if I could bang her every time that I needed to relieve myself of that tension, I would, but we have sex like once a week.

so....
opinions, comments, etc...?
my band is here ------> myspace.com/weareattica
#3
If she's your gf then why would you need to?

EDIT: probably shouldn't have half-read it then answered...
#5
So what? What are you asking? It's not our problem you're shagging a retard, or that she doesn't satisfy you.
#6
Your girlfriend was that naive and yet you're still having sex? I call bullshit unless you're a paedophile.

EDIT: Also, twice a day? Control yourself.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#7
Dude I've only done that, like, twice in my life. (And by in my life I mean since I read this thread).
#8
My GF likes that I masturbate.


Consider yourself lucky TS, because mine is way weirder...
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The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#9
!

to her.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#11
Quote by SeveralSpecies
Dude I've only done that, like, twice in my life. (And by in my life I mean since I read this thread).


Joke thief. Scrubs.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#12
Since my girlfriend and I started having sex, I've felt very little need to masturbate. I find that if I do, I experience an overbearing sense of guilt and disappointment, since it's nowhere NEAR as good as the real thing.
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#13
Quote by break-me-in
Joke thief. Scrubs.
There are no original jokes in Scrubs.
#14
Introduce her to the fun side of masturbation. Maybe you could tie her up and make her watch you fapping while dressed as a clown.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#15
Quote by smb
There are no original jokes in Scrubs.


Just because you dislike a show, doesn't mean that none of its content is original. I mean, it's as original as anything can be in this day and age.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#17
Just lie, say you will stop and just hope you don't get caught.


Happy fapping
Quote by Karvid
Maybe the number three has a human fetish


Quote by SeveralSpecies
It is a book by Michael Behe arguing for Intelligent Design.


I assume it has great tits because it has been repeatedly titty f*cked by REAL scientists.


#19
Wow, she's naive. And that's a frikkin' understatement. Demand more sex in exchange.
Quote by frusciante_man1
cakemonster..you are truly my hero
HONK
Quote by DeSean
HONK!I like your cake.
Quote by olif8
And Cakeface, why didn't you sig my

HONK!

from that other thread?


Quote by LordBishek

I can't stand it any longer.


HONK


Honk if you love cake! HONK!!
#20
Quote by break-me-in
Joke thief. Scrubs.



>_>


<_<


*rapes break-me-in*


Now I stole your innocence!
#21
Tell her "It's okay, it's not like I think about you when I do it."
Quote by duncang
maybe it's because i secrely agree that tracedin inymballsackistheb best album ever


he's got the fire and the fury,
at his command
well you don't have to worry,
if you hold onto jesus' hand
#22
Quote by SeveralSpecies
>_>


<_<


*rapes break-me-in*


Now I stole your innocence!


My innocence has been missing for a while, where did you find it?
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#24
How is she going to know when you masturbate? Do you live together?

EDIT: forgot you were in high school. But seriously, how will she know? Just do it when she's not around.
Quote by NGD1313
Well I don't know about solos but how about that Smoke on the Water riff. It's like...impossible.


THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I'm Jake. I'm a musician, philosopher, and exhibitionist.
#25
Haha, this reminds me of a while ago when my friend's mate admitted to her that he masturbated, thinking he was weird because of it.
wen i ask they say that they fall into the habit smhw ........but nyways i think there is a connection smwhere. Now i being a teetollar will not give into this habit nyhw

FOR JUST £2 A WEEK, YOU CAN PREVENT THIS.
Last edited by el-ECTRO at Oct 19, 2008,
#26
Well if she's not breaking up with you because of it, continue doing it in private but try doing it less or something. Also, your girlfriend needs to grow up.
Sig space available, give me some praise
#27
hahah once or twice a day? ****ing pussy. 15 ftw!!!
Quote by Jackal58
I only judge people based upon the color of their skin.


Quote by Kilty Boxers
id like to shave my balls, but i always cut myself and when i do my shaver is like om nom nom testicle skin.
#28
Quote by break-me-in
My innocence has been missing for a while, where did you find it?



....


Well if this isn't your innocence, than....


ewwwwwww.
#29
Tell her you're doing it for her sake otherwise you'll have to bang her 2 times a day but you're too much of a gentleman and too caring to cause her all that trouble !!

xD
#30
Dump her, she is obviously a fukwit. Or stop masturbating./thread
Quote by FrenchyFungus
I am not a woman as I currently claim


Quote by Rabid
I am actually a woman, unlike Frenchy
#31
Tell her not ejaculating every day is a leading cause of the AIDS.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#32
Quote by filthandfury
Show her the pit.

This guys on to something , show her the pit, her whole conception of life will permantly alter, for ..the better of course
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#35
Quote by LordBishek
It's mine.



Shotgun that.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#37
Quote by SeveralSpecies
Oh, all the better than.



I will collect your balls for this insult, and serve them as a starter at your funeral.
#38
Quote by LordBishek

I will collect your balls for this insult, and serve them as a starter at your funeral.









#40
Quote by just some guy
Sure, if I could bang her every time that I needed to relieve myself of that tension...


This, right here? Yeah, this is your arguing point. Tell her that unless she has sex with you every singe day (which, in her case, not happening), you will masturbate to relieve tension.

Bonus points: Convince her that you are a sexual being. Then strip naked and start levitating to prove your point.
Quote by jetfuel495
that is one goddamn shiny mother****ing toaster you have there
Quote by Dog--
It seems the top of those waffles are burnt.
Quote by imdeth
The toast has little red arrows growing from it. Nobody wants that.

SHUDDUP AND EAT YER TOAST
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