if beauty was not such a distance away
(and befriending the sand was a work of the day)
always in such would beginning begin
to explore all the gorgeously delicate hay

if beauty was not such an ocean away
(and all of the marvellous miracles crawled
out from under the shadow of god
and became the breath of the masses to warm)

and all emphasis upon it was put
(and typically nowhere else is to go)
i'll drink in the rain like i drink in the such
and like a cigar i will smoke up the snow

(if tobacco was not such a scarcity such
in the clumsy heads of a thousand a crowd)
i would be coloured the colour of steamy white
and exquisitely spiral off into the night

(how brave you would be if behaving was brave)
and only a coward would slip into drugs
to the skyline of rashness that made up the cities
and the docks that stand on the ageing waves

think tonight when you sleep of a dove
and luxurious spheres of silver and diamonds
sleep to the thought of presents and toys
of diminutive noses and stainless complexions

Last edited by skagitup at Oct 19, 2008,
Alex, I think you secretly go out daily to a well of vivid imagery and dip your buckets many times, till it's as much as you can take back with you.
Boy I hope it never goes dry because I'm enjoying it so goddamn much.

And by the way, I don't really care what others say(or have said); you have very much adapted your own style and originality, and it suits you well, friend.
You, are a spindel of beauty - and apparently you're well aware of this by the way you name your pieces.
modest prick.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.

- Jericho Caine

secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
I was going to do a full crit, but I'm not. Because as far as I'm concerned, this piece is perfect. It just reeks of Alexness. Which is great. And I agree about that vivid imagery well. You must give up its location otherwise I will hunt you down and hurt you real bad. If i could write half as good as you, I would be happy. Oh well, I'll keep struggling away. I didn't notice any cliches here, but I don't ahve as sharp an eye as Zach does, so i'll leave that to him. Thanks for the help last night (morning to you) man, I really appreciated it. KEEP WRITING!
Unfortunately I am nowhere near eloquent enough to express how much I like this.

I'd wouldn't change a thing. The rhyming the rhythm the fluidity. The tone. Everything. Simply amazing.

Only thing I see that could be wrong seemed like a typo...
(how brave you we be if behaving was brave)

Do you mean "would" here?

(and ageing is spelled aging, mr. really god speller person )
^ thanks for the typo

ageing is an alternative spelling, as far as i'm aware.
Very good. I do have a problem, though. You are going to make the rest of us actually have to work at this and thats not cool.

Kyle, cliches can be used for good (there were none here), bu Alex is a master of this.


EDIT: I didn't like how one stanza was completely bracketed... felt weird that you would denote an entire section as an aside of sorts... when it, to me, could have sat in there fine without the brackets. But that is stylistic.
You stole my ending line you bastard:

In all seriousness though, who said your writing isn't original? You've brought far too much to the table for that to be tolerated. There will always be similarities (*cough* if you have to look for cliches, then they aren't cliche), it's the differences in your work that are groundbreaking.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.