#1
A little something I came up with after reading The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe (I'm in 8th grade). Think of modern metal music being played in the background. By the way, this is a first draft, I just want critique before I change it.

It Won't Stop

Verse
Diseased, I am more aware
The eye, with the evil glare
It sends, my blood running cold
And I, must find what it holds
Do you, think I am insane
When I, feel only pain
Now why, will you say I'm mad
When I, I'm not that bad

Pre-Chorus
Louder it grows, the ringing
Louder it goes, the beating
Faster it grows, the pounding
Faster it goes, the throbbing

Chorus
My guilt is stronger than before
And I can't take it anymore
My guilt is getting ready to drop
And I know that it will never stop

Post-Chorus
It won't stop!

Verse
Watching, waiting every night
Death, awaits him tonight
My bones, are chilled his eye
So he, is going to die
Now how, can you see me weird
The eye, is all that I've feared
Do you, see my tortured mind
I have, become so confined

Pre-Chorus
Louder it grows, the ringing
Louder it goes, the beating
Faster it grows, the pounding
Faster it goes, the throbbing

Chorus
My guilt is stronger than before
And I can't take it anymore
My guilt is getting ready to drop
And I know that it will never stop

Post-Chorus
It won't stop!
It won't stop...

Bridge
Villians! I admit the deed!
Tear up the planks! Here! Here!
It is the beating of his hideous heart!

Pre-Chorus
Louder it grows, the ringing
Louder it goes, the beating
Faster it grows, the pounding
Faster it goes, the throbbing

Chorus
My guilt is stronger than before
And I can't take it anymore
My guilt is getting ready to drop
And I know that it will never stop

Outro
It won't stop


-Tell me what you think. I will critique your writing. c4c
#2
that is a FANTASTIC story. i fell in love with edgar allen poe after reading it.

great job btw.
'79 Fender Deluxe Reverb
Gibson Les Paul Classic
Fender Stratocaster
Ibanez TS9, Keeley TS9 Baked Mod
Zendrive

LOOOOOK INTOOOOOO THEEEE PICCCTUREEEEEEEEE


Member of UG's Gain Whores - pm gpderek09 to join
#3
Thanks man, I love Poe's work too. Just recently I read The Raven, and I love how all of his stories have that dark and kind of twisted atmosphere.