#1
A basic song about my immense hatred to everyone and how i cope with it

Not sure if im finished or not.

If an event happens ill show an emotion
synthetic endorphins? I'll 2nd that motion
clense these weak ones? want an incredible notion
Ive done my part to help with the clensing
cut their mouths off but they still keep dispensing
foamless shit that makes no sense
ignorance that is so rampant and dense
dialate my eyes just to get a grip
Numbing my senses so much they're bare
You're so easily amused its not fair
ohhh what i would kill for your ignorance
to just sit there in unknowing bliss
while im sitting here waiting for my fix
adopting personalities has to eventually get old
familarity breeds contempt, or so im told
my feelins towards you are so warm they're cold
wont one of you please break the mold?
come shoot up, snort up, smoke up with me
and well spend the rest of the day criticizing society
youll laugh, cry, trick yourself into enjoying the fun
eventually youll realize what you should do and should've done
doenst this seem like the lif you want to lead?
bitch and moan until the whole world shares your misery?
#2
Well, it really isn't a 'song' in the traditional sense of the word if it doesn't have at least a chorus. It'm more like a poem. My first works were like this as well, but if you want it to possibly go somewhere, you have to work on the structure.

The lyrics are good, with the exception of the first line. I'd switch it to "If anything happens I'll show hated emotions". It doesn't sound very powerful or strong the way it is now.

You definatelly have a good start though!
Slipknot Fan.

Thanks, but I'm not God. If I were God, 3/4 of you would be girls, and the rest would be pizza and beer. –Axl Rose
#3
yeah thats my problem when i write songs. I always rhyme and i dont know when to break them.

thanks for the crit.