#1
Ok, I've been writing for a while but this is my first song posting here. Something I came up with a few nights ago and it looked alright. Slight modifications were made and here it be. Lyrics are pretty self explanatory and critisisms/praises are most welcome check it out!

The faith you stole from me
Has left me faithless
The heart that you destroyed
Has left me heartless

Inside i feel im dying
Outside im so free
Death is an option
Only for cowards, not me...
Helpless and unfulfilled i
Wonder across the sky
No matter how i die
I just want to live

Gave you the chance now you've taken the life outta me
For I was blind, hadn't taken the time to see
If there was a time, i'd make it right
But that would just be me
Far too young or never too young
Time was just ****ing with me
Get me outta this prison cell
Or just let me set me free...

Running away from your presense
But your shadows too long in the sunset...
No more this pain and sorrow
Though i know my lifes so hollow
And so far from the grace...

You don't know regression till you see one in your face
Don't buy Guitar Hero.
Buy Guitar Pro.


My Gear: (That I actually use)

ESP Edwards E-CY-165 CTM
Vox Saturator
Vox AD50VT
Vox Tonelab LE
Jim Dunlop Crybaby 535Q
#2
Ok so here is my crit. I do not know the reasons for you writing this so it is hard for me to mess with your song in any constructive way. I did mess with it anyway and tried to keep it relative to what I felt you were trying to get across. Don’t hate Crit-ter! You use a lot of cliché’s. I tried to smooth them out a little and give it more flow.


The faith you stole from me
Has left me faithless
The heart that you destroyed
Has left me heartless

Inside i feel im dying
Outside im so free
Death is an option
Only for cowards, not me...
Helpless and unfulfilled I
Wonder across the sky
No matter how i die
I just want to live

(How about this?)
Inside I feel im dying
Outside I’m so free
Oblivious you pass me by
And you’re what’s killing me
Helpless and unfulfilled
Am I still relative?
No matter how I die
I just want to live


Gave you the chance now you've taken the life outta me
For I was blind, hadn't taken the time to see
If there was a time, i'd make it right
But that would just be me
Far too young or never too young
Time was just ****ing with me
Get me outta this prison cell
Or just let me set me free...

(How about this?)
Daydreaming young and woke up old
Time was just ****ing with me
Get me outta this prison cell
So I can take a breath that’s free


Running away from your presense
But your shadows too long in the sunset..
No more this pain and sorrow
Though i know my lifes so hollow
And so far from the grace...

(How about this?)
Running from the presence
of your shadows for so long
Pain and sorrow peal away
The farther I have gone

You don't know regression till you see one in your face
#3
you're most welcome. and yes, i do see what ur getting across and yea, i suppose ill take ur sugestion into consideration when making the final product. cheers!
Don't buy Guitar Hero.
Buy Guitar Pro.


My Gear: (That I actually use)

ESP Edwards E-CY-165 CTM
Vox Saturator
Vox AD50VT
Vox Tonelab LE
Jim Dunlop Crybaby 535Q
#4
It’s really hard to screw with someone’s idea when I don’t hear the music in their head. If we were all setting around in the same room then it’s much easier to get what the other person is trying to get across. I know I have heard a song on the radio and think man that is awesome. Then I go and look at the lyrics later and I’m sometimes stunned between the flow of reading the lines verses the flow of how it was sung. I hope I at least helped.

C4C
Coming back for more
Kill me from the inside