#2
I love the first 8 bars of the acoustic intro but at the 9th bar when the other guitars come in it sounds like there is too much going on.

The riff at bars 16-20 is very good and the drums make that part even better.

I think the harmonies at bar 25 would sound better if there was a rhythm guitar playing chords


The ending sounds great but once again when the other guitar comes in it sounds weird


Overall I thought it was pretty good, you should add more parts to the songs to make it longer

Trust me I'm a doctor

A doctor with a mustache
#3
Thank You mathieupM13 for the detailed crit. I will be looking for more of that intro

Updated and Finished.

Please Crit
Click My Library to see what I've written

My Library
Last edited by Jonathan Trejo at Oct 22, 2008,
#4
The start is cool, especially that really bassy part with the synth-voice, really, bassy.

9-16 isn't very impressive, I like the drums though.

17-20, I love how it's so crowded, I have no idea why. It seems really cluttered, but it's got this really cool feel. Likewise with most of the piece actually. It could be considered a bit overwhelming at times, but it's cool if you're in the mood.

By 49 I felt it was getting a bit repetitive. =\

I didn't really give any crit, but just some thoughts yeah.
#5
I don't have time tonight to crit this, however I am going to say that I can definitely see some maturing in your songwriting. This was actually pretty enjoyable, and seemed realisticly playable for the most part. unlike some of your other stuff if I remember. which is good! improvement, definitely. I liked it, good job.
#6
Thanks for your true words Thomasoman. I am focusing more on what is playable. Most of my other songs I would start a riff I made on my guitar then just GP the rest. This one I took the time to Jam and I can play it fully.
Click My Library to see what I've written

My Library
#7
I agree with what pretty much everyone else has said thus far.

I think the drums really need to be entirely reworked, they never really get any kind of rhythm or flow going, and I think they're really responsible for quite a bit of the clutter and confusion that's going on. I actually muted them and I felt the song sounds twice as good.

Some really cool stuff in here otherwise, love some of the harmonies and whatnot, and that intro is great.
#8
Thanks dude I am not a drummer so the drums do need work. I would like to keep some drum parts though. Ill see what I can do. But I am a lazy bastard and Its guna suck if I don't fix the cludder. Thanks For you Crit
Click My Library to see what I've written

My Library
Last edited by Jonathan Trejo at Oct 23, 2008,
#9
I wrote notes out as I was listening to them, then fluffed them up a bit to let a little thought get into this. If I seem like I'm coming off harsh, I really mean no disrespect. These were just the things that jumped out at me.

I'd have to say the highlight for me was the synth voice in the intro, playing off the acoustic guitar. It had an almost haunted feel to it, but was warm. It gave me one of those moments where you exhale and stare into nothing, and do nothing but just pay attention. Really, superb!

Unfortunately, starting at bar 9, things got a little muddled. It was like getting the whole orchestra in on what would probably be better off as a quintette.

The lead guitar seemed muddy in the beginning, but guitarpro is famous for this. When it got into the harmonized semiquavers, it was really just ..wow. I was a little dissapointed those scales didn't lead up to a bar or two of real "solo" action, though.

Around bar 32, it got muddled again like at bar 9. It wasn't as much, but was something definatey noticeable.

The distortion as a bass just seems strange to me. There were times where it worked, but others like bars 61-64 where it went kind of crazy, like a bassist thought he was playing a guitar or something, and that never happens (kidding!).

The harmonizing starting at bar 73 seemed off to me. There's just something about it that's almost dissonant, for lack of a better word.

All in all, it's really a solid effort. The song in general seems like it's almost to slow for itself. You've managed it nicely with the semiquaver leads and harmonies, but the main body of the song didn't seem to receive due justice.
#10
This was ASTOUNDING. Much better than what I expected to find on UG, man. Mostly, the feeling that the way the instruments interact creates, and the transitions all work GREAT.
Only parts I would fix is that I don't like the drums that start at 9, and a couple parts get to cluttery to hear everything, as has been said before.
#11
Critting as I go

Intro - Very good, very atmospheric, which I love to hear in a song

Bar 21 - beautiful riff there, Harmony works well

Bar 33ish - building up nicely

Bar 53 - Love the recap back to that riff in bar 21

Bar 77ish - Climaxes very nicely.

Overall brilliant song 8.5 / 10
#12
That was awesome I never thought that a song could be so chaotic (in a good way) and so atmospheric at the same time.^^
I really like the whole song, only the drums are off the most time

I'd give it a 9 of 10.
#13
I loved the atmosphere in the intro, that was awesome. I agree that it then began to sound quite chaotic, but I loved it. It worked really nicely. The harmonised parts are awesome, and it's a very melodic song without being too soft. I agree that the drums could do with some work though. The dissonant parts are cool as well, and I liked the solo although it was too repetitive. I liked the way that the song stayed nice and atmospheric throughout. I say 9/10

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=986398
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#14
oh its good! sry but atm i only can listen to it in midi, but i like this. you have some talent i say :P the main theme is really good, but i could work more on drums - sometimes its not fitting there. but the solo is really good and the transition to acoustic is really great! 8/10
#15
Intro is very cool.

The drums made it a bit sloppier, but cool nonetheless. The main theme, I guess, is really cool. Very melodic, and really awesome when it got harmonized.

At first, when I heard the distorted bass, I thought you were just tuning ludicrously low and was confused I especially liked how it was the main instrument throughout the song.

My only problem is the intro drums, and that's no biggie. 9/10

-By the way, my songs are finished-
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory