#1
This is a poem I wrote for my girlfriend and I wanted some criticism so I decided to turn to UG. Any Crits are appreciated.

Your beauty has more depth
Than the boundless sea
Which is only matched
By your personality

You cannot be compared
To others that I know
Because you are unique
In a way thats just your own

When we embrace
And our lips meet
I feel as though a miracle
Has Landed at my feet

With you a single moment
Stretches on and time
It feels like forever
as we leave the world behind

I never ever want
This perfect time to end
Because you are so much more
Than just my girlfriend

You make me happy and content
and always make me smile
I know that every moment
Spent with you is worthwhile

You're like a ray of sunshine
Streaming through the trees
You take my captive emotions
And set my heart free
One Love, One Heart, Let's Get Together And Feel Alright

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#2
You've got some balls posting a song written for your girlfriend to be critiqued.
Because you will actually get honest opinions, instead of AWWW I LOVE YOU (system of chaos's name)!! from your girlfriend.

So now my crit,
Honestly, I felt the whole thing was generic as hell. You really want to leave this chick with her jaw dropped, write a poem that isn't like every pop bands lyrics. Use deep thought out words, and don't always worry about having things rhyme perfectly. My main suggestion is don't use that blasted ABAB rhyme scheme, especially for more than one stanza. Seriously, I cringed at:


I never ever want
This perfect time to end
Because you are so much more
Than just my girlfriend



If you really want to use rhyme scheme use something that people don't generally use, there are tons of them out there.
But yeah I could see your gf appreciating this.
this one is for you.