#1
I have a narration description paper due tomorrow and i still need to come up with a good name for it. It is a character description paper so the focus is mostly on the character. My guy is a older Indian man who is a medical examiner. he is grumpy and snapping at everyone and swearing under his breath. the story takes place at the morgue, but there really isnt more than a basic plot of him getting ready for an autopsy, the story is supposed to be mainly character driven. Any suggestions?
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#2
can you post some of the paper?

I will help you, I'd just like more info then what has been givin.
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#3
Why Indians Should Run Convenience Stores Instead of Being Medical Examiners.
#4
Sure heres the paper, and please dont be too critical im only a sophmore and this is just the rough draft.

Character Paper Rough Draft

The engine of a light gray BMW 6 series whined as it pulled into a parking spot labeled by a white sign that said “Reserved for Dr. Hrishikesh Ajit Jagdeep”. People usually called him Dr. AJ for short. As the frail looking man got out of the car, a wind ruffled up the tail of his blue doctor’s jacket. The sun reflected off of his oily, naturally tanned skin. He swore under his breath as he attempted to keep his thinning gray hair in place, but the wind had other plans. He hobbled as quickly as he could towards the morgue entrance.
The whistling of the wind subsided as Dr. AJ closed the front door. He looked up to see his homely secretary sitting in her usual place behind the front desk.
“Hi Charlene, how are you doin today?” The doctor mumbled quietly.
“I’m pretty bored,” she responded, “it’s pretty dead in here today.”
They both chuckled. A little bit of morgue humor always put Dr. AJ in a slightly better mood for the morning.
Once he was out of Charlene’s sight his smile quickly faded.
“God I hate that woman,” he grumbled, “I just can’t get rid of her.”
He strode the rest of the way down the bare white hallways muttering to himself about all of the things and people he disliked that he was forced to deal with each day. When he reached the end of the hallway he fought his way through the heavy double doors that laid there. As he entered the operating room a black bag sitting on a cart peaked his curiosity. He slowly unzipped the bag, revealing the shriveled white corpse of an elderly woman.
“Well looky what we got here,” He said to himself. “I’ll be back in a minute darlin, you just wait.” With that he shifted his hand through the corpse’s wispy white hair, and then zipped the bag back up and headed for the prep room. When he arrived there, his surgery assistants were already in there scrubbing their hands and arms furiously. When the door closed with a click they looked up, giving Dr. AJ a sweet smile which he did not even attempt to return.
“Fetch my mask and gloves,” He demanded one of the women as he washed his own hands. She scuttled off without a word, returning moments later with the materials he required.
After Dr. AJ had precariously scrubbed each and every finger and nail, the water from the faucet ceased to a mere trickle as he squeaked the levers shut. He grasped a nearby hairnet and snapped it onto what little hair he had left. Holding his arms out, a pair of white latex gloves were immediately put on each hand by his multiple assistants. He gathered his set of tools and ventured out towards the operating room. His gaze was dark as he entered, quickly scanning the room until his eyes lay upon the cadaver. It had been placed onto a metal cart, with only a mere paper gown covering it. Dr. AJ’s eyes glowed as he approached the body, examining each and every inch of bare skin.
“Scalpel!” he barked, and one was quickly placed in his hand. With his eyes still fixed on the body he wiped a bead of sweat from his tanned forehead with his sleeve. He positioned himself at precisely the right angle, and lowered the scalpel for the first incision.
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#5
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#8
Oh and another thing, when i said he had on a" doctor's jacket" is there a more specific name for that?
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#9
"Dead in here"

Straight from the joke, which caused me to actually chuckle to myself

I think it would fit not only with a morgue setting, but fits with the character, from just this he seems like a person "dead inside"... I guess that'd work as well. Either way it goes with the morgue setting and the character.

If you don't like this I can try some more.
Oh and I wouldn't mind reading it all, I like how it's written, pretty good.
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Last edited by floppypick at Oct 20, 2008,
#10
Quote by floppypick
"Dead in here"

Straight from the joke, which caused me to actually chuckle to myself

I think it would fit not only with a morgue setting, but fits with the character, from just this he seems like a person "dead inside"... I guess that'd work as well. Either way it goes with the morgue setting and the character.

If you don't like this I can try some more.
Oh and I wouldn't mind reading it all, I like how it's written, pretty good.


Thanks man, that would be a good title now that i think of it, but my teacher is pretty picky and my title of my last paper was a line in the story and he made some comment about it being redundant or something...
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#11
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#12
Quote by SkateEmerica987
Thanks man, that would be a good title now that i think of it, but my teacher is pretty picky and my title of my last paper was a line in the story and he made some comment about it being redundant or something...


Oh I see...

Death with an attitude

or rearrange into An attitude with death, goes with both the morgue scene and the characters constantly pissed of attitude
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#13
Call it "Grumpy Indian men, still better than led zeppelin".
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#14
Quote by Kensai
Call it "Grumpy Indian men, still better than led zeppelin".


"Or balding stuck up git who doesn't like good music"

Note: don't actually, this is just... well, you see.
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#15
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#16
Think you could post the rest of the story?
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#17
"A descriptive narrative, detailing preparation for a routine autopsy"
#18
Quote by floppypick
Think you could post the rest of the story?


what i have there is actually all that is written so far. i dont think i will get too into the surgary or anything because my teacher is queezy and wants no blood or anything in the stories plus, i dont want there to be too much more to the story, or else i will get points taken off for not having the main focus on the character. there is only supposed to be a very basic plot taking place over a few minutes.
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#19
you shuld name it

"ima doon coon and i eat curry"

lol, jk jk.

i have no clue what you shuld use for a title, other than that you have a great paper in my opinion (im a sophmore so i have no say for you, you have much, much better writing than me)

i love your sig dude

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#21
Quote by Kensai
Call it "Grumpy Indian men, still better than led zeppelin".


Or he could call it, "Swedes have smaller penises compared to Indians and here is a story about a guy who knows that because he works at a morgue, sees a lot of dead naked Swedish guys and compares his Indian penis to them just to make sure he's bigger".
#22
Quote by SkateEmerica987
what i have there is actually all that is written so far. i dont think i will get too into the surgary or anything because my teacher is queezy and wants no blood or anything in the stories plus, i dont want there to be too much more to the story, or else i will get points taken off for not having the main focus on the character. there is only supposed to be a very basic plot taking place over a few minutes.


Aww, well I think it's great, hope to read more of your stuff
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#23
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you shuld name it

"ima doon coon and i eat curry"

lol, jk jk.

i have no clue what you shuld use for a title, other than that you have a great paper in my opinion (im a sophmore so i have no say for you, you have much, much better writing than me)

i love your sig dude

i have my schecter hellraiser, now im so looking for a cheap peavey xxx and ts9 or if im lucky, a ts808


the ts9 sounds great with the peavey, tightens it up a lot and gives it more "chug" for palm muting.
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
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Ibanez TS9 Tubescreamer

Quote by Twist of fate
You're not racist, only black people are.


Quote by clincher09
Ah yes, you have a condition that many guys live with and are affected by everyday. It's called a penis.