#1
OTS. C4C.

"Television Killed Poetry"
Time-stamped twelve-step program.
Gotta make sure I'm giving the full 110.
Western world. Want not, waste away.
Soggy words scribbled on the poster page.
The post-Beat dreams lost to sitcom daze.
I hear the click clack, jump start
Make good love, make bad art.
I guess we've mapped the human heart.
Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.
Fuck me all the time. I'll never love you more.
#2
This is nice, especially for an OTS.

The last 2 lines come out of nowhere though and make no sense at all.

Soggy words scribbled on the poster page.
The post-Beat dreams lost to sitcom daze.

Make good love, make bad art.
I guess we've mapped the human heart


Is what I dug the most.

Not really much to crit here but yeah, maybe I'd say "notebook" page instead of poster page. Cause like poetry is written in notebooks and stuff...unless I'm missing what you're trying to say there. I tend to do that often. And yeah, that last part just doesn't do it for me at all.

(peep The Saga if you wish to return the crit. thanks!)
#3
So I wrote up a full justification for the last couple lines, and then I realized how much I hate explaining my writing. If other readers still don't get it, I'll probably post it, but I think the last couple lines are integral to the message being conveyed. It's probably my fault as a writer if you don't get it. Anyway, I must admit, I'm very bad about returning crits, but I'll try my best to get to your piece sometime soon.
#4
Well I think I kinda get where you're going with it. How television sexualized everything and how everyone is obsessed with not even sex...but f*cking. The death of making love, perhaps? Poetry is making love, is it not? Making love with the language. Much deeper than that, of course...but that is the jist of it, eh?

Like I said, I'm probably completely off on what you're trying to say.

But even if I am close, I think there could be a better way of you presenting it. Disconnect it from the piece somehow. Put it in its own stanza or in italics. Or just simply say it a different way. I think that most people will agree that the way it is now it's just doesn't feel right. Then again, maybe it's just me. But it's really all up to you. You're the poet here. It does have potential though...this being on the spot you really didn't have a chance to hone it and tweak it to perfection. Maybe you don't want to. Like I said, it's really all up to you.

(and if you're not sure about returning crits don't put C4C in your post! )
#5
you every write anything non-OTS? As always, i enjoyed it. Simple concept, expressed eloquently and crudely at the same time. There's this fine line between beauty and filth with your work that I really enjoy.