#1
I need criticism!

Walking hand in hand we go down to the ocean
And profess our love from the cliffs
We sit there until sunset
As dusk dawns and the darkness drowns the light
I hold you close And whisper in your ear
The end is almost here

One more step is all we need
One last breath and we'll be free
Our eternity together is nearing
Let's go together into the clearing

We rise to our feet ready for the end
As we walk to the edge No second thoughts
Here we go forever by each others side
We stare over the edge at the crashing waves

One more step is all we need
One last breath and we'll be free
Our eternity together is nearing
Let's go together into the clearing

Our lips lock for the last time
I step forward and you step back
I hear I love you and I'm sorry
As I meet death alone..
#2
Hmmm....Not bad, but not great either. The last line, while it's a clever idea, sounds like it could have been written better. Perhaps lengthening 3rd verse would give you room to expand on the whole "you left me behind while I died" idea. It just feels rushed. Mabye you could include somewhere why the one lover left the other to die.

On the positive side, it's not bland (it's fairly descriptive), and original. The lines seem to flow very well too.
Slipknot Fan.

Thanks, but I'm not God. If I were God, 3/4 of you would be girls, and the rest would be pizza and beer. –Axl Rose