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#1
My girlfriend of two years just told me that unless I can give up porn and masturbating FOREVER, then she would break up with me. The porn part is ok and I've been off that for a while. But masturbating, COME ON! That's just stupid. Right? What should I do?
In school, they told me, "Practice makes perfect". Then they said, "Nobody's perfect", so I quit practicing.
#5
Walk up to her with cum on your face and ask her what's wrong.
Gear:
Schecter Hellraiser Deluxe
Boss DS-1
Crate GTD65

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#6
Do it anyway? Don't tell her?

Dump her ass if she isn't doing it for you after 2 years.
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Coke tastes like a can of smashed assholes, so yes there is a difference.

I am USUALLY the nicest one here.
#7
She better be sexing you up then. If not, educating her on blue balls might help your case.
I want to work in revelations, not just spin silly tales for money.I want to fish as deep down as possible into my own subconscious in the belief that once that far down, everyone will understand because they are the same that far down.
#8
Leave her. Seriously, that's a ridiculous request. Tell her to fuck off and jizz on her face while doing it.

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youmakemesmile...

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Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#9
as long as you're getting it from her on a regular basis, i don't see the problem.
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#10
how will she know u don't masturbate?
and yes it is stupid
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#12
Quote by Austiman
Do it anyway? Don't tell her?

Dump her ass if she isn't doing it for you after 2 years.

This.
Quote by asfastasdark
+1. This man knows his ****.


Walker Rose.
#15
you gotta lay down the law, tell her either you can fap, or you have sex twice a day

or if she breaks up with you, that you skeet in her mailbox every morning and shit in her lawn
Quote by RedDeath9
Divinecrossfire...

Epic post. Wish I could say more, but I don't know much about the subconscious and other psychological stuff.
#17
tell her to **** off and start fapping. She deserves it for being so stupid.

Or simply don't tell her that you fap.
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#20
if she has sex with you on a nightly basis it shouldn't be a problem, if she isn't going to have sex with you often then you should dump her.

ninja edit: we need hot pics of your girlfriend to give you a real answer.
blahblahblahblahblahblah did you enjoy this?
#22
do it anyway. she isnt around all the time i take it. and she had better be putting out if she puts a request out like that.
Quote by Sonicxlover
I once told a Metallica fan I liked Megadeth, and he stabbed me 42 times.
#23
Quote by gnrliesmanlies
i see you've been a member for 2 years.

The pit has never told you to give up fapping



Nice one!
#24
Hit it, quit it, fap, visit the pit.

Victory is yours?
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

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cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#27
ask her to stop shopping
shopping is the masturbation for women.
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Ewww the searchbar is a slut, it gets used everyday...

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The brain says "hey, lets be friends" and the dick says "hey, lets get those clothes off, eh?"

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Yeaaaaaah, Huuuuuhuuuu, Saaaaaaah and MASTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR are all Hetfield memes.
#28
Quote by Alopikal
Can you say psycho-bitch?

Yes
I want to work in revelations, not just spin silly tales for money.I want to fish as deep down as possible into my own subconscious in the belief that once that far down, everyone will understand because they are the same that far down.
#30
Continue as usual. Why the **** would you tell her?
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#31
If you care about her that much do it. It WILL pay off.
Trust.
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I'm not in a wheelchair, but I own one just for fun.
#33
Just fap instead. Same thing, just different wording.

Her:"ARE YOU MASTURBATING AGAIN?!"
You:"uh no, but I just got done fapping..."
Her:"k koo, whatever that is "

But in all seriousness, just don't tell her? I mean, unless your getting some on a daily basis with her, she needs to mind her own business about that sort of thing.
Feel free to add me on STEAM: thesystemhasfailed
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#34
Quote by magnum1117
ask her to stop shopping
shopping is the masturbation for women.


This
Team Orange

Quote by Ehh
You calling your parents assholes because they wouldn't buy you a phone with a camera? Maybe you deserve to have picks on your nips.
#35
Quote by metaldud536
And in a few months she'll dump him because "he's changed"


See, myself and Mr. Dud here have worked it out in a few minutes. We should fight crime with Pokemon or something.
Last edited by imdeth at Oct 21, 2008,
#36
Tell her that if you're not aloud to masturbate, she must perform sexual favors for you whenever you want.
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If loving ham makes me gay, I'm Rob Halford.


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MyNameIsLame just nailed it (actually both his statements did some nailing).


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This is honestly the best first post I've ever seen


^^ Directed at me. E-peen wankery sigs ftw.

My Last.FM
#40
Quote by imdeth
See, myself and Mr. Carpi here have worked it out in a few minutes. We should fight crime with Pokemon or something.


as long as your not using bulbasaur.
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