#1
ok so im trying to write a psychedelic songs and this is what i got so far. Any sugesstions?

Orange elephants and purple mice
Candy coated children and sugary skies
Rivers of chocolate and bloody red meadows
Feeding on kids and lurking in shadows…

Cotton candy flavored clouds, spewing honey drops of rain
Obscuring the blue sun again and again
Rising from the chocolate are pink submarines
Carrying a group of lawyers and drugged up teens

They must have found our magical land
Where bearded omlets play around in the sand
Platypuses of all races, ethnicities, and creeds
Eat tons and tons of our sunflower seeds

Trix are for kids but they don’t know how to eat em
You crush it into powder and ?????HELP?????????
Go take an owl and stuff it in a blender
Pour the red mixture into a syringe and ??????HELP????

Into your eye it goes, it creates tons of new colors
While rats dash across your conreas and build metal gutters
Porn films about walruses, and meatloaf that talks
Friendly cinnamon slugs and flightless burgundy hawks

Mustachioed plumbers, and biracial oxen
Experiencing the parabola of live and drinking toxins
Dying, being resurected, and going off a tangent of tomatoes
Red metal head sheep bathing in juice of potatoes

Eating honey feces and peanutless resses pieces
Making friends with witty old leeches
Jihadist ponies conspire to kill all
Only to be found smithing metal fences for the city's town hall

Hiding in the lint under the dryer, The angry stockbroker married the princess
He ate all the lint at a state fair and deepfried hersheys kisses
Made of increasingly esoteric samurais and sumerian scholars
That feasted on sufis and killed all their mothers

Tangerine trees with orange leafs that turned green
When summer had passed and fall came in a submarine
The flavor of children, changes when you cook them
And while they may be delicious raw, they carry bacterium

A golden brown color is desirable while served with a side of elephant blood
Food critics will think that it tastes like mud
While we are all the same speices, we are ultimately different
We have different tastes and condeming one's is a sin


Guitar Solo
#2
Mostly, it seems like you're trying to hard to be weird. My suggestion is that you pick a topic to write about, then come up with random metaphors to describe that subject. (See 'Purple Haze.')

On that note, individual lines seemed less contrived than others, but such as it is, the whole piece just feels very forced.
#3
I agree with Lord North. But I guess if you were stoned as hell then it would be cool.
#5
Seriously, I agree with everyone else. You are trying too hard. You can't use lyrics like "bearded omelet's" and "honey feces." The lyrics for the song should follow a common theme. With your thoughts all over the place, the song has no structure making it nearly impossible for the listener to interpret what you are trying to say. You need to be able to comprehend a song before you can find meaning in it, such as being "psychedelic." Maybe choose one thought/theme from your song and try to write about that; relating it to other obscure ideas and metaphors.

And you stole the owl part from Lego Robot. I c wut u did thar


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